Remember the other day when I wrote about “squeezing the most out of every healthy day”? I felt pretty good when I wrote that. Inspired. Motivated. Focused.
Well, the truth is sometimes I don’t live up to my lofty words and ideals. You see the thing is, sometimes I convince myself that I’m not strong enough, fast enough, fit enough, or simply good enough – and I don’t do what I want to do. This happened on Wednesday.
There is a local group here in Ottawa/Gatineau that meets twice a week for snowshoe runs in the Gatineau Park. I’ve wanted to go on these runs for a long time. Last night was the night. My bag was packed. My snowshoes were in the car. I was ready. Then during the day, I managed to talk myself out of going out to the snowshoe run.
I worried about being able to keep up with group.
I stressed about running for 90 minutes.
I mumbled to myself about a lingering heal injury.
I obsessed over the cold weather.
I told myself that I shouldn’t go.
I justified this with some twisted logic.
I let myself down.
Sometimes I let my crazy brain and insecurities win. I guess this makes me human – but I still hate it when this happens. Interesting how self-confidence can slip through my fingers like water.
Ottawa Cross 
Don’t beat yourself up Vicki – take stock and join the group again next week! I am sure you will surprise yourself.
Thanks Anita! I decided last night I’d be out there next week. The race at the ARK on Saturday should help me gauge my fitness.
Vicki
http://ottawa.cx
http://victoriasisland.typepad.com
Given what you told me last night, were you like a deer “caught in the headlights”?
Give yourself time; you’ll get there.
Ha – that is a good point Dad! Just nervous about not being able to “keep up”. Not rational – I know.
I’ll email you about the headlight saga….
Vicki
http://ottawa.cx
http://belgiumcyclocross.com
Read my book: An Unlikely Elite
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Thank you for sharing… this one is for you.
http://ktchancey.blogspot.com/2013/01/sometime-i-dont-do-it-either.html
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Great post Katy! It helps to know that we’re not alone with our sometimes “not rational” thoughts.
Glad you’ll be out on the 26th. Should be a good time. (Thanks as well for your kind words – it means a lot.)
Vicki
http://ottawa.cx
http://belgiumcyclocross.com
Read my book: An Unlikely Elite
________________________________
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