Last year, I decided to quit bike racing. It had been a rocky few years with this darn ulcerative colitis and a scary injury to my back and then getting sick again last May. That was it – I was done. I needed to get healthy and just ride my bike for fun. No more racing. No more training plans. No more race stress. No more self-imposed expectations. I would ride if I wanted and if not well, I wouldn’t ride. I felt content about this decision. Then September rolled around – the local cyclo-cross season was starting and thanks to modern medicine, I found myself in a remission.

Hmm, why not race? It will be fun and get me out riding. Oh man, I was freaked out and nervous. I wasn’t even sure I could get around the course – zero fitness and little to no energy. But I went. I lined up. I pedaled. I smiled. I had fun. In fact the most fun I’d had in a very long time at a bike race. I was simply riding and doing what I could. I didn’t worry about who was ahead of me or behind me. I just rode. I had nothing to lose but so much to gain. Admittedly it was hard to not be at the front duking it out with fast Ottawa girls. But I learned so much more about myself from racing with the very limited tools I had. But what made it so much more than I could have ever expected were the people – people cheering me on, the other women who I raced against hugging me after the race, the encouragement from others, seeing the young teenage girls learning and thriving, and just being so welcomed into such a community of people. In years past, I would never have experienced this – doing a serious pre-race warm-up, racing and then quickly changing and zipping off for a long cool down ride.

And now here I sit. Last week was a rough week. I was tired. Really tired. For the first time ever, I didn’t do my planned work-outs. In fact I didn’t even feel like riding my bike. On Wednesday I tried really hard to convince Marc that I was ready to quit. That I didn’t want to race anymore. That I hated the scheduling and programming of my life around work-outs. That I was missing out on so many other things. Luckily Marc is a very strong and steady voice of reason and calm…

On Friday I did feel a bit better and after a good talk with my coach, I felt even better. Plain and simple – I was tired. It had been a big training block and it was natural to feel so tired. We’d continue with the planned work-outs and take a rest week this week. Perfect. The riding this weekend went really well. And there was proof positive that I’m learning – on Sunday I started to get quite tired at around the four hour mark of my planned five hour ride. My legs felt heavy. I was starting to feel a bit cold (some kind of weird temperature shift happened). My work-out plan was four to five hours – so in an uncharacteristic move, I elected to cut the ride short and ride for 4.5 hours. I recognized that I was tired and that forcing out the extra 30 minutes wouldn’t really give me anything.

And now I’m thinking about racing. I registered for the eQuinelle Grand Prix – a criterium that promises to have some very fast ladies lining up. I have no idea what to expect. I haven’t raced my road bike in a very long time. I used to love racing my road bike. I used to really love racing criteriums. So I’ll go and see what happens. So am I a racer again? Yes, yes I am a racer again. But I’m not the same racer I was. Instead of being compelled to race every race possible and to chase UCI points and results – I simply want to race. To line up and have some fun. Take some chances, attack, recover, finish upright and at the end of it all – be satisfied with the day. Last year I couldn’t do this and I would never have imagined that I’d be able to do it again.

Often it takes a big moment to make you really understand why you do that thing you do. Experiencing this big moment is a good thing and I’m glad I’ve gone through it.

I found this to be an excellent reminder of how to approach my yoga practice and so many other aspects of my life. Often our lives become so routine – we repeat patterns over and over until things generally start to feel mundane. Remember your first few weeks at your current job? Everything was so new – the people, your role, the way the company operates, etc – after a while this changes and it is so easy to get sucked into not being as stimulated and challenged as you were in the beginning. Or think of your training rides – you likely have one route you choose for short intervals, another for tempo rides, another for threshold efforts and then your favourite long ride loop – some days it seems so boring to go out and ride those same roads.

If you find these patterns and routines happening – try to remember what brought you to yoga or to your bike or to the new job in the first place. Remember how excited and challenged you were in the early days of your training routine and day-to-day life routine.

This is something I’ve been trying really hard to embrace. On the bike this is still quite easy for me since last season I wasn’t able to ride any of my favourite training routes – this season I’m making up for it the best I can. As for work, well one of the good things about being a technical writer is that I’m challenged everyday – to write documentation that explains complicated concepts to others as well as to learn and understand the software I’m documenting. On the yoga mat, I try to really listen to my instructor and understand how I can “release my shoulder blades” or “tighten my triceps” or “use my core”.

I suppose the beginner’s mind really comes down to not losing sight of why you’re doing what you’re doing. Remember why you chose to do it in the first place.

On Sunday, I didn’t want to ride. I blamed the wind and the cold. Normally these things are not a problem for me. I made myself go out because I knew I’d hate myself for not going. In the end, I’m really glad I went out and rode.

Monday was a weights day. So I got up at 5:00 a.m. and made my way to the gym for my weight work-out. I felt tired all day and sleepy but basically brushed it off.

Today, well I got up at 5 a.m. again and went to yoga class. I felt good – really good. Then the fatigue set in. I found myself being grouchy at work for no reason at all. I ate foods I don’t normally eat. I felt like I needed some coffee to wake up. Yes, tired.

But still I planned to do my ride. Luckily I have a very smart, caring, and patient husband. Mid-leg warmer pulling up, Marc came upstairs and highlighted how I’ve been the last few days: grouchy, sleepy, and just generally wiped out. My response was “I’m just tired. I need to go ride”… If Marc hadn’t been there to reason with me, I would have dragged myself out for my ride.

Why would I have done this? Because I’m programmed to do so. I’ve always done what I’m told to do. If the calendar says ride for four hours – I ride for four hours. If I’ve planned to cook three new recipes this week – I cook the three new recipes. If we’ve run out of chopped celery and carrots – I get up early and chop them because we have to have them. If the newspapers are making a mess in the living room – I tidy them up and likely move a bunch of other stuff around as well. Because this is the way I am…

But sometimes this is not the right way or best way to be. There is being focused, driven, hardworking, and dedicated and then there is not listening to my body when it is telling me to slow down and take a breath. So today I’m doing it. It is a beautiful day outside and I’m siting here on the chesterfield. I watched Top Chef Canada, ate some food, had some tasty cookies, and now I think I’ll read. The dishwasher needs to be emptied, we’re out of chopped celery and carrots, I haven’t made the lunches for Wednesday, and the laundry needs to be put away – oh well – that is what Wednesday is for.

This is not easy. Inside, my brain is saying:

Missing this work-out could be my downfall come cyclo-cross season – there is a reason why I was supposed to do start intervals today – and now I’m not doing them. I really shouldn’t have eaten those cookies – even though they were made of super healthful ingredients. I don’t know what I’ll do for lunch tomorrow or what we’ll have for supper on Wednesday. Yeesh, I should have gone for that ride.

I know it will all be fine in the end, but damn it’s so hard to fight the programming.

On Saturday I loaded up the car with my brand spanking new Opus Fhast 2 29er and drove out to the Charlottenburg Forest near Cornwall. I had no idea what to expect, but I assumed it would all work out just fine. And this is it did!

When I arrived the morning race was just getting ready to start – very low key relaxed atmosphere with a registration tent and a couple tents set up for people to stand under to keep dry. It really reminded me of the cyclo-cross races I used to do in Belgium – everyone parked in a big field and a good group of friendly people out to race, cheer and organize the race.

I met the organizer of the East Cup Mountain Bike Series, a super friendly guy who is trying really hard to offer folks in Eastern Ontario a good mountain bike race series. I arrived quite early so I had time to hang out, eat and get my bike ready. Eventually some familiar faces arrived, it was great to have Nick and Rob there to give me advice, convince me to take lots of pressure of my tires and most of all to reassure me that I could do this race.

Since I hadn’t ridden a mountain bike for quite some time or raced in a long time, I really had no pressure or expectations. Throw in that this was only my second time on the big 29er and I really was just out for a fun time. I did have a fun time but admittedly there were moments when I wasn’t smiling.

I registered for the Expert/Pro category – in hindsight this might have been a mistake, but thanks to the low-key atmosphere, no one minded that I was in over-my-head. The race was four laps of a five km rocky, rooty, slippery and very technical race loop. After my warm-up lap, which resulted in a hard crash, I was having second thoughts but after talking to Nick, I was ready for it. My attitude was “just go out and ride. Enjoy being in the woods.” So this is what I did.

I lined up at the back of the pack of 20 or so guys and one other girl. Everyone took off like a rocket – and then I started! I caught a few people on the early climb but soon lost them when we hit the singletrack. I just raced my “race”. I simply did what I could – there were sections that I simply couldn’t ride, so I got off and ran. My first lap was okay. The second lap was filled with crashes – I think I crashed three times in that lap. I was also passed by a lot of people in the second lap – so impressive to see how smooth people were riding. The third (and my final lap) was better – I didn’t crash and I was able to ride sections I couldn’t ride previously. I had the option of doing a fourth lap, but declined – I had been out there for a while and was pretty sure a fourth lap would only result in more crashes.

Each time I came through the start/finish, Dan, the organizer shouted encouragement and gave me some tips, such as “loosen up the death grip”, “spin more”, “move forward on your saddle”, “you’re doing great”. This helped so much. I had a good chat with Dan and Nick after the race about my bike set-up – so I’m going to make some changes which should help with my riding.

All in all, a great experience. This course was likely not the best for me to return to mountain bike racing and riding on – I struggled a lot – but in the long run this first season mountain bike racing and riding experience will pay off. If I can ride on very narrow, technical, and slippery trails then when it’s dry and a bit less intimidating, I’ll be good to go.

Many thanks to all the guys who passed me and gave me words of encouragement. This was just a very welcoming and encouraging race experience. People were happy that you were out riding. Just the way it should be.

Admittedly, today I’m a bit sore – I’ve got lots of bruises all over and my bike is a big muddy mess (with a slightly bent rear derailleur) but this is all part of the experience. I just need to get better so I don’t crash as much!

If you’re looking for a good series of mountain bike races that don’t require driving to Toronto, definitely check out this series.

(Big congrats to Nick for taking the big win in his category. The Cyclery colors look good on the podium!)

My last mountain bike race at Mt. Tremblant.

As I was driving home to Ottawa this morning after a great weekend in Lakefield visiting my parents, exploring the roads and hanging out with the fine folks at Wild Rock Outfitters in Peterborough (especially the Flirtees girls) – my brain started to work its magic. First, I realized that I left my fancy schmancy spatula/spoon that I bought specifically for my super duper Vitamix – in the drying rack on Coyle Crescent… Shoot. Oh well, a good reason for my parents to pack up their kayaks and my dad to bring his power tools for a weekend of Ottawa kayaking and deck building (and spatula schlepping).

Right, seem to have got off track there – this happens sometimes…

Saturday I’m racing my brand spanking new Opus Fhast 2 29er. I’m nervous. I realized I have no idea what tire pressure to use or even how to determine what tire pressure to use. Should I use my Camelbak or a bottle/cage. I could get a flat tire, then what will I do. I don’t even know the protocol for pre-riding and warming up. Is it too much to expect to ride a lap of the course before the race. How do you warm-up for a mountain bike race? I don’t even know how to pace myself – go from the gun, play catch and pass, or what?

Yes, I feel like a first time racer. I want to have a good race but I have no idea what to expect. What is a good race in this situation? I don’t even know how to pace myself because I have no idea how long the race will be. Yes, stressing and obsessing are the appropriate terms.

Luckily I have a secret weapon. Her name is Lois. I emailed Lois and asked her all my questions. She gave me some very sensible answers and has calmed my nerves a little bit. But I know on Friday night and on Saturday I’ll be going a bit crazy brainish again. This is a good thing though – right? I guess all I can do is clip in, look down the trail (not at my front tire), pedal hard, remember to drink some water, smile and enjoy the moment. (But I really really would like some more pointers – so if you have some – I’m ready for them!) One more question – how do I attach my number to my bike – do I need to bring my one straps…

I feel a bit stupid to be walking around with bright red arms… There is enough information out there that I know I should be wearing sunscreen.

I just didn’t think I’d get a sunburn in May in Ontario. I was wrong.

Moral of the story – wear sunscreen – your arms won’t hurt and you won’t put yourself at risk for the side effects of sunburn.

So instead, how about a general post on things that are going on and things that I’m digging right now? (More cycling-specific content is sure to show up in the coming days since I’m doing my first mountain bike race in many years on May 11…)

• Reading: I’m reading Salt Sugar Fat by Michael Moss. This is a fascinating book. Normally I prefer to read novels but this book is written so well and so fascinating that it is an easy read. It is shocking really to discover how things like Tang, Kraft Dinner, and Lunchables came to be. It is equally interesting to learn about the science and chemistry that goes into these food items. Also interesting is how connected food companies are to government… This is not a book that is meant to turn you off your morning bowl of Rice Krispies or turn you into a vegan – nope this book is about learning about the food industry and how we’ve become suckered into wanting more salt, sugar and fat.
• Listening: I listen to podcasts when I ride. Currently I’m listening to a mix of NPR, CBC, Eurosports Velocast, and Rich Roll. This combination gives me a good mix of entertainment, learning, and music. I’ve recently (thanks to Marc) discovered Downcast – great way to manage my podcasts on my iPhone.
• Eating: feels like I’m always eating! Not much new here! I love my Vitamix and I’ve become quite addicted to my daily smoothies. The only time I don’t have them for breakfast is when I’ve got a long ride planned – then I switch it up with some muesli. I’ve been making my own almond milk and almond butter – amazing how quickly I can make this and it is so nice to know exactly what is in the food I’m eating. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not a “granola health nut” – I eat my share of chocolate chips from the bag, potato chips and Diet Coke (I know aspartame is bad!).
• Happening: well this weekend I’m in Lakefield. I’m primarily here because I’m going to the Wild Rock Outfitters Women’s Night on Sunday evening. But I needed an excuse to get away from the city and hang out at my parents place anyway. I have to say the riding here is fantastic – smooth rolling roads with enough climbing to keep things interesting but not climbs that make you regret leaving the house!
• Bikes: well, I’ve got a new mountain bike! I took it out last weekend for an easy spin. Wow those 29 inch wheels are big – do they every roll well. Admittedly my trail riding skills are rusty – but this is to be expected. I’m looking forward to racing and riding my Opus Fhast 2 this summer – I think some long rides in the Gatineau Park and a weekend away at Kingdom Trails will be good for the legs, heart and soul.

Well, I guess that’s about it. Life is simply rolling along with no unexpected interruptions – so as they say in Belgium “Alles is goed”.

But even with this knowledge and a well-stocked jersey, things seem to go wrong… Before you even leave the house you make some classic mistakes (mistakes you know better than to make) – mistakes that make you feel like you’re better off pushing your bike home than riding it…

• Always triple check the weather forecast. And even if you don’t hear the weatherman on CBC radio whisper about the 40% chance of rain – bring your rain cape anyway. If it doesn’t rain (which it did for 3.5 hours of the 4 hour ride), you can always put your rain cape on if the temperature drops unexpectedly (which it did).
• Bring extra gloves. These come in handy in the spring – especially when it starts to rain or you realize (which I did) that my gloves weren’t warm enough.
• That food you packed in your jersey? Eat it. And even if you don’t “feel hungry” eat some damn food. Your Garmin is beeping at you reminding you that you’ve burned 700 kj, then 1200 kj, and then 2180 kj – this means one package of Clif Shot Bloks is not enough.
• Oh and about those full and heavy water bottles you’re lugging around? Do yourself a favour and put that water in your body. Your bike will feel lighter and remarkably, you’ll feel a lot better. Yes, when it is pouring rain and the temperature drops, the water gets cold – too bad – drink the water.
• Just because your training plan reads 3-4 hours, doesn’t mean you need to do the 4 hours. Especially when you’re cold, haven’t eaten enough, neglected to drink very much water, and you’re soaked to the bone.
• An indicator that it is a good idea to call your husband is when 128 watts feels like 728 watts (I now think I know what this really feels like) and your arms start to ache so badly from the wet and cold that you’re having a hard time determining which body part feels worse – your legs or your arms.
• Oh, and when you’re riding on your first group ride in over two years and your friend rides up to you and says “this is where it gets kind of fast and hard for a while” – take him seriously and don’t slowly drift back thinking that “you’ll be okay and just hang out here at the back for a while” – especially when the road is kind of rolling and you’re not ready to deal with sharp accelerations and a pace that feels like 728 watts. This will likely result in your getting dropped and then finally catching back on just as the group hits a little rise – resulting in your riding alone.

So yes, today I made many classic mistakes. But it was still a good ride. Sometimes you (I) need to make these mistakes to remember how important the subtle things are in making the ride a good one. It was great to be out on the group ride again. I saw lots of friendly faces and met a few new people. I’ll be back again – not until the third Saturday in May though since I’m off to Peterborough/Lakefield next weekend for the Wild Rock Women’s Night and on May 11, I’m racing my mountain bike (so excited).

Best of luck to everyone doing Almonte-Roubaix on Sunday. I’ll be riding out to Almonte to watch the finish. (I plan to overdress for the ride and to eat and drink too much!)

My week has been all about bike riding, relaxing and spending time with my favourite guy. Yes, this for me has been a very good week. In between lots of good long rides on my trusty road bike I’ve had a chance to simply relax. Nothing very special happened in between my many long rides. But all the small moments made for a good week:

- Many thanks to Clif Bar for the amazing box of nutrition. I cannot speak highly enough about Clif Bar and the support I receive from this company. I’ve been treated to some of Clif Bar’s new products including the new Kit’s Organic Fruit & Nut Bars and the newest Clif Shot Blok flavour – Chocolate Cherry. If you’re looking for a gluten-free, soy-free, dairy-free, all-natural bar to eat while riding, in-between rides or to stow in your purse/bag/jacket pocket – the Kit’s Organic Fruit & Nut Bar is the bar you need. I’ve eaten a lot of bars – and the peanut butter bar is top-notch. Easy to digest, a good flavour that is not too “peanutty” and a good texture –  the Kit’s Organic Fruit & Nut Bar is a good one. And what about the the Chocolate Cherry Clif Shot Bloks? Darn tasty! In my opinion, the combination of chocolate and cherry can’t be beat! (Now I have no excuses for not “eating enough” on my rides – as happened on Monday… I learned a hard lesson that day…)

- Reading, snoozing and chilling out. This is what I mostly did between my rides and training days. There were some long pleasant relaxing baths as well. Normally I don’t tell you about my baths… but one in particular on Thursday does deserve some attention. After talking to my coach Tucker on Thursday morning, I learned of the benefits of an ice bath… So I went for it. In two words “shockingly cold”. Getting into a bath tub filled with cold water and then having three bags of ice dumped onto my legs was not pleasant. The worst part were my feet – they are so super sensitive to cold. If Marc hadn’t been there to convince me to stay in the tub – I definitely would have gotten out. Seven minutes is a long time… After two minutes I couldn’t feel my feet (a good thing). Best quote was from Marc “I’ve never seen your legs so red”. Will I do it again? Yes, likely – particularly since I’ve learned the secret from veteran a ice bather - toe covers… Yes, my next ice bath I’ll be wearing my waterproof socks.

- One of the best parts of the week has been riding some of my favourite roads. For some of these roads, it had been over a year since I’d ridden them. Very nice to get out with my pal Vicki S. on Wednesday to show her some of my favourite roads. Could have done without the crazy headwinds but with a fierce headwind comes a friendly tailwind.

- Saturday after recovering from my hail/snow ride (it was dry when I left), I hooked up with my buddy Sheri for an afternoon of learning about a plant powered lifestyle at Plant Power Ottawa. What a great afternoon – a great talk by Dr. Michael Greger and some very inspiring words by Rich Roll. An enlightening afternoon that has sparked me to really get the most out of my body and life. Rich Roll talked about finding what it is inside yourself that gets you excited and motivated – when you discover this – do what you can to follow through on this excitement and motivation.

Today is the last day of my at-home mini training camp. The sun is out and I’m just about to head out for a ride with my friend Sally. Great way to end this very good week.

On Monday I did my longest ride in over a year. Just shy of five hours. Wow – what a day. I had a great ride but I also cracked in the last hour. Learned a big lesson – even though I’m feeling awesome – I still need to eat. More importantly, I need to eat more than I think I need to eat. Yes, made the classic mistake of not eating enough so the last hour was a bit of a death march. Not sure what the friendly guy at the MacEwan’s in Richmond thought of my salt encrusted face as I manhandled my bottle of cream soda (the pink kind). (Oh yes, pink cream soda in the bottle can be a lifesaver – try it and thank me later.)

Tuesday was a steady three hour ride with the real battle being the crazy wind and the fickle rain. Luckily I’m used to riding in the rain and thanks to my tendency to overdress, I didn’t feel cold… Today I rode with good pal Vicki S. – we talked for the entire ride – it was super to have such good company. (If only we could have done something about that headwind!)

I was just saying to Marc that I feel really good. My body feels good. I feel good about myself. I’m not stressing about what others are “saying” or “doing” – I’m just happy being me and living life the way it makes myself and Marc the happiest. And then as luck would have it, I read Katy’s website where she had posted this great video. (Watch it and pass it on.)