I’ve been waffling all morning about writing what I’m about to write. But if there is one constant on this blog and website it’s honesty and openness.

I don’t sugarcoat my life. I don’t hide behind “I’m fine” or “all good”. I say it like it is and how I’m really feeling.

So here goes.

I’m struggling. My post-menopausal body (menopause is technically the one-year anniversary of no longer menstruating—after this it’s called post-menopause) is kicking my ass. It is rocking my self-confidence, my body image, and messing with my head.

Yes, I’m taking HRT—hooray for progesterone and estrogel for keeping me feeling calm, banishing the sweats, getting rid of the rage, and helping ease the anxiety.

For me it’s the change in my body and how I metabolize food. I used to know how to eat and what to do to keep muscle mass and stop the kgs from creeping on. Nope, not anymore. It’s so strange because I’ve been post-menopausal for three years now. And it’s been in the last few months when things have gone haywire.

Simply put, I don’t feel good in my own skin. I’ve gained weight and lost muscle. It’s very frustrating. And I’m letting this eat away at my confident, strong self.

And yes, I know if you saw me, you would barely notice that I’ve gained weight or gotten in a bit soft around my stomach and bum. I’m still at a very healthy weight. And it really is only 3 kgs. But it’s more than this—it’s the not understanding how my body operates any more.

So yeah, while I’m just starting on my journey of getting super bike fit again, I’m now having to battle not feeling comfortable in my clothes or with what I see in the mirror.

I know that once I get back to lifting weights again (this week!) and start to learn more about how to eat differently for this new “phase” of life, everything will adjust. But geez, it’s hard to get through this.

I know I’m not alone in this—the number of books, podcasts, articles, etc. that focus on taking back control of the post-menopausal body is staggering. The challenge of course is that every single person is unique so it takes a bit to figure out what works.

So this is it. Just a bit of a frustrating time right now. Soon enough I’ll be back wearing my favourite jeans (I hope) and seeing a return of my arm muscles and overall body strength.

No need for you to worry about all of this. I just wanted to be honest. And frankly it helps me to get this stuff out of my head. I promised myself I would stop ruminating or overthinking and writing posts like this helps me immensely.

P.S. the training side is going great. Back playing hockey twice a week with the occasional bonus third game, riding 3 – 4 times a week on the trainer, getting ready for fat biking season to start, and on Monday I see Luc at The Movement for a weight program. Life is good.