Dudes, it’s been a hot minute hasn’t it? I had the best of intentions, but well, you know how it is.

Every week, I’d think, hmm, I should write about that. And then the moment would be gone. I suppose I’ve been wondering what the point is of jotting down the inner workings of my brain on the world wide web.

But well, I have time so – why not see what happens.

I’m not exaggerating or telling tales when I say that I have no idea what will come next. I don’t have a plan. There isn’t an outline. I don’t have a notepad full of notes. There isn’t a Word document titled To Blog About . Maybe this is the reason why it’s taken me so dang long to do this thing I’ve been doing here for a very long time.

Don’t know. It is what it is. And the secret is – I haven’t got much to say right now.

It’s the summer. I like it. As much as my body dislikes the heat – I enjoy it. I find people are friendlier in the summer. There is less scowling. Fewer grumpy people in the grocery store. More people willing to hold open a door. Less hunching of the shoulders. More eye contact. But underneath it all – I’m sweating, a lot. A lot of sweat. But it’s worth it. Besides, soon it will be so cold that the air will hurt my face.

Normally I tell you about all the things I’ve been up to. The events I have signed up for. The frantic training. The stress about the events. The doubts. The insecurities. The milestones. Well, this summer there aren’t any events.

Okay – one, but it’s not anything I’m overthinking or stressing over.

Last summer I thought I’d do some MTB racing. I signed up for a local series. And I didn’t go to one single race. Too nervous. Too everything. So I decided that my MTB racing days are behind me. I don’t need to be scared on my MTB. I like riding at Larose. Fast, swoopy, gentle trails with a mega dose of green and quiet. This is why I ride my MTB. There is minimal being scared at Larose. And if it does happen, it’s because I’m talking too much and not paying attention to what I’m doing.

Also, no swimming events this summer. Last summer was all about swimming. I swam a lot. I spent a lot of time thinking about swimming. I stressed a lot about swimming. I revelled in it and I also grew tired. By the middle of August, my body simply could not swim. I hit my wall. 4 kms. This was it. Swimming is hard. It takes a lot of training and technique to swim long distances. I found last year I spent so much in the water that I missed my bikes. And I was stressed. Oh boy was I stressed. Anxiety. Stress. Overthinking. Call it what you want – it was happening. Don’t get me wrong – I’m so happy I did the two events. Some days I sit here and think – dude, you really did that!

So this summer is different. No events. Just the 100% Feminin Ride in August. I missed this last year due to the virus that shall not be named.

I’m riding a lot more. I’m still swimming. But not as much. In fact I’ve developed a new habit. Plan to swim. Pack my bag. Set my alarm. Tell Marc that I’ll be swimming and what my swim plan is in the event of disappearance in the deep blue wonder. And then nothing. Alarm goes off. I turn it off. Think about getting up. Change my mind. Go back to sleep. And tell myself that I’ll go tomorrow. Strangely, this elusive tomorrow never seems to come.

I think this is okay. I mean, I’m okay with it. Don’t get me wrong, I had serious FOMO during Bring On The Bay. I vowed to Marc that I will do it next year. I even suggested I’d go for 10 in a row. Marc’s response was to aim for two and see what happens. Besides, BOTB has new t-shirts – and I need one.

Yeah. So, now I’m drawing a blank. Nothing. Not sure. Maybe this is the end of the blog? Or if I sit here for a while, something might creep in. Hard to know.

Okay, yep, looks like this is it. Hope you weren’t expecting more. Because, ya, I’ve got nothing. We’ll see, maybe I’ll try this again next week.

I’m off to look at my gardens. So much weeding. No one told me about the weeding.

And because I know you’re more likely to click and read this if I add a photo or two, here are some photos. Random photos.

Of course you’ve already read all the way to the end. So these photos are kind of in the wrong place. Oh well.

On Wednesday I was having a crap time at swim practice. I couldn’t make the pace times. I felt like I wasn’t moving in the water. I was slow. I was angry at myself. I really really wanted to get out of the pool and go home.

I was standing around getting ready for the next set. I took a look at the workout and then I heard:

“Vicki, you’re doing good. Don’t give up. You’re getting better.”

This made all the difference for me. I kept going. I kept swimming. I felt better.

I was ready to quit that day. But I didn’t because my lane mate noticed I was struggling. She took the time to let me know that she saw me and understood what was going on.

Just a reminder that small actions make a big difference.

Good words really do work.

Scene is the pool. Swim Coach is on the deck. Eager Swimmers are standing in the deep end hanging on every word Swim Coach says.

Swim Coach: The difference between you guys here in lane 2 and those guys in lane 8 is they can hold their technique under duress.

Confused Yet Eager Swimmers Continue to Stare at Swim Coach….

Swim Coach: For you to improve you need to practice your technique to the point where you can do it under duress. To the point where it just happens naturally. This takes work. Hard work. It is the difference between you and them.

Eager Swimmers Start To Get It But Keep Staring at Swim Coach….

Swim Coach: You need to use your warm-up sets to practice technique over and over again. You need to build your muscle and mental memory. And now you’re going to swim under duress so you understand what I’m talking about.

Eager Swimmers Start to Sweat and Stop Making Eye Contact with Swim Coach…

And for the next 1,000 meters the swimmers swim under duress. And slowly but surely, the cracks float to the surface. One swimmer who shall remain anonymous learns her open turns really aren’t great when under duress. In fact it turns out that her open turns are downright terrible under duress. This same anonymous swimmer learns that when under duress her head falls off and she forgets everything she was practicing a mere 15 minutes earlier in the warm-up.

This motivates this anonymous swimmer to get better and to keep on practicing. Turns out this swimmer likes swimming enough that she appreciates the value of being under duress.

Under Duress

Hint – those athletes we cheer on during the Olympics who make their sport look effortless, the musicians we watch perform in front of thousands of people night-after-night, the journalists reporting from the scenes of terrible horrible devastation and loss, the author who keeps churning out best sellers, or that person you know who just keeps on going and doing and doesn’t seem to ever stop – well, they all got there the exact same way.

Under duress

And now think of how this applies to you on a day-to-day.

Maybe, like me, you rearrange the letters of the alphabet over and over again every single day (hint – you create word magic for a living). This is not easy. You were not born being able to do this everyday all day. It took practice. It took patience. It took learning. It took doing it badly to slowly get to doing it really well.

I am not an expert in this – of course.

But here’s the thing – I am not naturally talented at anything. I’m not a natural athlete. I’m not a natural writer. I’m not one of those lucky people who was good at that thing the minute they tried it.

I am a natural at stick-to-itness. I am a natural at wanting to be better. I am a natural at not letting go. This has gifted me the ability to perform under duress.

Taekwon-do – definitely not a natural. But I have a first degree black belt and competed at the 2003 ITF World Taekwon-Do Championships.

Cyclocross – definitely not a natural. But I raced at the 2010 World Cyclocross Championships.

Writing – definitely not a natural. But this is how I make a living.

I kept at it. Until, like those guys in lane 8 – I could do it under duress.

What does this all mean? I have no idea really. I just had to get this thought out of my head.

And because every search engine likes a blog with a photo, here’s three random but connected photos.

“I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, ‘If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.’”

With thanks to Kurt Vonnegut via Tim Ferris

Driving to pick up my friend Louise this morning on the way to the Riverkeeper Open Water Swim, this thought popped into my head, “why do we sign up for these kinds of events? Why do we put ourselves through these challenges?”

This is why:

For the people you meet and become friends with along the way. No one gets to an event like a 4 km open water swim alone.

I certainly could not have done this without the amazing human hugging me in this photo.

Friendship. Camaraderie. Support. Confidence. Community. Strength.

People. It’s the people that make these kinds of events so worth doing.

Seeing people chat and hang out before the race – talking through their nerves and encouraging one another. Then at the end, seeing and hearing people cheering, talking about their race, congratulating one another, hugging, laughing, and just being so dang nice.

This is why I do these events. Yes, I get nervous. Yes, I have lots of self-doubt. Yes, I am tired afterwards. But all of this is so worth it when you see your friends accomplish big goals and do the thing they weren’t sure they could do.

Today I battled my head for the first 1 km. I had serious thoughts about stopping. My brain was a swirling cauldron of negative self-talk. But I tried to remind myself of the people rooting for me. And I kept swimming. Right arm. Left arm. Keep going. Make it to the sailboat – if you still feel like garbage then reevaluate.

And guess what? I got to the sailboat, turned left and hit the most beautiful calm water. The sun was shining. And then I started swimming. I relaxed.

I heard Lesley’s voice reminding me to reach and roll. I could hear Filippo telling me to stay relaxed. I remembered meeting Louise at the pool for the first time and our locker room chats. I imagined I was swimming with Nina at Murphy’s Point. I thought about Megan and how she is so graceful in the water. I remembered the early days of open water swimming with Aimee, Julie, Diane, Tom, Nadine, and Candace – how they encouraged me and welcomed me to their swimming group.

Friends. People. This is what it’s all about.