As is normal for me, I’ve gone and pushed my limits again. Not that I’ve done anything crazy, nope rather simply training and riding my bike. After a heavy two week block it has become obvious that I cannot right now put together two hard/long back-to-back days. This is frustrating. This is not where I want to be right now. But it is what it is.

This state of affairs has nothing to do with my training regime or lack of desire. Nope – if only it were that simple. Rather this is the result of my body. I’ve had to admit that it is just not ready yet. I’m just not ready yet. I keep telling myself that I’m healthy and that I am “normal”. Well, as it turns out, I’m not. My ulcerative colitis symptoms are not around but I’m suffering from the impact of getting so sick in December. I’m at a point now where my medicine is keeping me in a remission but I simply cannot get my ferritin (iron) levels at a normal level.

A ferritin level of 11 is not normal. I should be at around 100. I’ve tried to do all I can with this measly number of 11, but it really isn’t taking me very far. So now I’ve had to admit that this is where I’m at. And figure out how to deal with it.

Thanks to some words of wisdom from Marc, I’ve been forced to admit that I’m not healthy – I’m still sick. I need to get healthy and then I can do what I want. This doesn’t mean I’m not training. It just means that my training is different. No hard back-to-back days. No more really long rides. If I’m tired, I don’t ride. And the hardest part of all – to not berate myself when I don’t ride or I have to cut a ride short.

I’m still focused on my goal of racing at the 2012 World Cyclo-Cross Championships in Koksijde, Belgium – but now I’ve got another goal I have to accomplish first – get healthy. So this is where I’m at. As much as I’d like this to be an instant gratification goal – I realize that in this case and is often the case with most goals worth attaining, slow and steady is the only approach.

(If you have any suggestions on how I can get my ferritin levels up to  a normal level, let me know. As it is, I can’t take any over-the-counter supplements so this kind of makes things a bit more challenging. But at this point I’m open to anything.)