So this is a new thing for me. Today I didn’t do my work-out. I had planned to do it. In fact I was pulling on a leg warmer when the decision was made… The thing is, I’m tired. I’ve been tired since Saturday but didn’t really want to admit it.

On Sunday, I didn’t want to ride. I blamed the wind and the cold. Normally these things are not a problem for me. I made myself go out because I knew I’d hate myself for not going. In the end, I’m really glad I went out and rode.

Monday was a weights day. So I got up at 5:00 a.m. and made my way to the gym for my weight work-out. I felt tired all day and sleepy but basically brushed it off.

Today, well I got up at 5 a.m. again and went to yoga class. I felt good – really good. Then the fatigue set in. I found myself being grouchy at work for no reason at all. I ate foods I don’t normally eat. I felt like I needed some coffee to wake up. Yes, tired.

But still I planned to do my ride. Luckily I have a very smart, caring, and patient husband. Mid-leg warmer pulling up, Marc came upstairs and highlighted how I’ve been the last few days: grouchy, sleepy, and just generally wiped out. My response was “I’m just tired. I need to go ride”… If Marc hadn’t been there to reason with me, I would have dragged myself out for my ride.

Why would I have done this? Because I’m programmed to do so. I’ve always done what I’m told to do. If the calendar says ride for four hours – I ride for four hours. If I’ve planned to cook three new recipes this week – I cook the three new recipes. If we’ve run out of chopped celery and carrots – I get up early and chop them because we have to have them. If the newspapers are making a mess in the living room – I tidy them up and likely move a bunch of other stuff around as well. Because this is the way I am…

But sometimes this is not the right way or best way to be. There is being focused, driven, hardworking, and dedicated and then there is not listening to my body when it is telling me to slow down and take a breath. So today I’m doing it. It is a beautiful day outside and I’m siting here on the chesterfield. I watched Top Chef Canada, ate some food, had some tasty cookies, and now I think I’ll read. The dishwasher needs to be emptied, we’re out of chopped celery and carrots, I haven’t made the lunches for Wednesday, and the laundry needs to be put away – oh well – that is what Wednesday is for.

This is not easy. Inside, my brain is saying:

Missing this work-out could be my downfall come cyclo-cross season – there is a reason why I was supposed to do start intervals today – and now I’m not doing them. I really shouldn’t have eaten those cookies – even though they were made of super healthful ingredients. I don’t know what I’ll do for lunch tomorrow or what we’ll have for supper on Wednesday. Yeesh, I should have gone for that ride.

I know it will all be fine in the end, but damn it’s so hard to fight the programming.