Earlier in the week, I mumbled on Facebook about the 2014 Milton Keynes World Cup…. I’ve been thinking about this cyclo-cross race since I first learned of it in late November. This World Cup is a special one – the first World Cup in Great Britain and even more special for me is that it is very close to where my aunt and uncle live.

Somehow a seed was planted in my brain – maybe I should do one last World Cup. After all, my racing ended in 2011 the day before the Koksijde World Cup when I had a rather unfortunate crash. Maybe this race in Milton Keynes would be a fun way to finally wrap a bike racing adventure that started way back in 2007 with some big dreams?

Believe me, I’ve been thinking about this a great deal. At first glance, I was “all in” – sure, I thought, lets go to Milton Keynes and have one last World Cup race – it would be a great way to see my racing friends, visit with my aunt and uncle and it would just be plain old fun. But the more I started to think about it and discuss the race with friends and with Marc, my stomach started to work its way into knots.

Rather than thinking positively of all the things I would have to do to get back into elite racing shape and condition, I started to dread these things. I started to think only of the things I’d have to give up. Was I really committed to make the sacrifices needed to get to the level of fitness and skill I would need to race this race on Nov. 29, 2014? I wasn’t sure. More importantly would I regret not doing the race?

As awesome as it would be to race the World Cup in Milton Keynes, I’ve decided that I’m not going to do it. Today, sitting here in January I honestly can’t get excited about racing at this level again. I remember when I’d watch the elite women race at Catamount and Northampton these past couple of years – I didn’t feel any urges to be out there nor did I feel like I missed the racing. What I do miss is being out on my bike and racing for the heck of it – I miss lining up and just racing. I want to race, but I want to take it down a notch – maybe this is a way of giving myself an “out” or an excuse to not push myself like I used to. I don’t know. What I do know is that when I think of getting ready for elite racing, I think of all the things I’d have to give up and I’m not at this point anymore. When I started this journey, I didn’t feel like I was giving anything up or making sacrifices – I craved these things and loved the process of getting fit, skilled and strong… Now, I’m happy to be out riding and running for the pure heck of it – in a way, I guess I’ve come full circle.