As I sit here in Wilmington, NY, it’s raining and coldish. I don’t like to use the word cold since the temperature is above 0 and isn’t anywhere close to -40 but you know what I mean…

My training schedule says I’m supposed to go out for a 2.5 – 3 hour hilly ride…. Hmm. I’ve packed all the gear – rain jacket, booties, gloves, hat, thermal long-sleeve, and leg warmers. But as you can tell, I’m not riding. I’m sitting inside listening to the rain.

I feel slightly conflicted about this. I’m trying to build myself into a racer again so shouldn’t I be out training – regardless of the conditions? The “old” me of the 2007 – 2011 era would be out there right now. Heck, I’d be an hour into my 3 hour ride… And here I sit.

I think this is okay. Yes, I want to be a racer again. But I’m more about the fun of it now. I have some goals I’d like to achieve, but I’ve said from the beginning of this process that if I don’t think I’m ready or I don’t feel ready when the time comes, then this is okay. The journey and the process has been worth it.

Now, some of you might be reading this and thinking “nice excuse for not achieving what you want” or “cop out”. Oh well, that’s your opinion. And I guess if you have this opinion, then you don’t know me or haven’t been down the same roads as I have.

So if I’m not trying to justify my reasons for not riding, why the post? I guess because if I learned anything from my post about self-doubt, it’s that I’m not alone here. Maybe if more of us started being more honest with ourselves and with one another, we’d all be a little bit happier and a heck of a lot more content with the amazing gifts we do have. Or maybe I am just trying to justify my not riding…  Who really knows? Besides, this time next week, I’ll have ridden up Alpe d’Huez so I think a rest day is a-okay today.

(Alright, I’m going back to my colouring. Yes, colouring – don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.)