I’m sitting here eating 90% dark chocolate and trying to stay calm. My heart is beating a little bit faster than it should. My brain is going slightly crazy. And frankly, I’m feeling a little bit freaked out.

This can only mean one thing – I’m racing my cyclocross bike this weekend.

We’re off to Rochester, NY to kick off the cyclocross season.

I was calm. And now I’m not.

Not sure why I’m nervous and acting a bit crazy. I suppose it’s because I really care about how I do.

Of course, I’m telling myself things like “all you can do is all you do”, “just leave it all out there”, “focus on the performance not the results”, and “racing is the fun part”.

But really… do these pep talks really work? I don’t know. Maybe. Maybe not.

All I know is that I should never have checked the ranking system on crossresults.com. I checked this so I could see when I’d be called up. Well, now I know – I’ll be called up second last. Second last.

Geez. This is stressful. I was less stressed when I was called up first (way back when). But second last. Now I feel like I have to prove something to myself (and that damned database).

I know it will be okay. My fitness is much higher than it was last year. My technical skills are probably the best they’ve ever been. I’ll just go out there and give it a go.

This is the fun time after all. Breathe in. Breathe out. Eat some more dark chocolate.