Playing Catch Up

Do you ever feel like you just don’t have enough time or energy to get through your days? Lately I’ve been feeling this every single day. I wake up in the morning with a strange sense of elation and dread.

Elated because it’s another day and I’m here, living, breathing, feeling, thriving.

Dread because I just don’t know how I’m going to do justice to the day that is.

Maybe this is a bit too much big thinking. But it is what it is right now. I suppose this is because I’m feeling particularly grateful and lucky. There is so much bad stuff happening and here I am – healthy, loved, and supported.

For me this underscores the need to do good things, big things, fulfilling things, things that matter. This is a lot. Some days it happens. Others not so much. But I think the secret to this is realizing that the small things add up.

Holding the door, smiling at a stranger, casual conversation in line at the grocery store, letting a car into the line of traffic, slowing for the pedestrians, and generally treating people the way you’d like to be treated.

For some reason these small gestures are a big deal. I really don’t think it used to be like this. I think that people used to have more patience, grace, and understanding. For some reason, everyone is so hyper-focused on their own needs that they neglect the obvious – we’re all in this together – so be nice – you never know when you’ll need that stranger to help you out.

So yeah, this is where the elated dread combo comes from. I feel lucky to have this. Perspective. So important.

And can I make a confession? I just spent 60 minutes watching Carpool Karaoke on YouTube. Geez. Never have I watched 60 minutes of videos on YouTube. It started with Billie Eilish then it was Celine Dion then Madonna and finally my BFF of all time Adele. Really some power ladies right there.

Some of you who follow me on Instagram will know that the shingles has made a return to my day-to-day. The good news is we caught it early. My eye was in a funk and is still not 100% but it’s much better. The bad news is that I’ll never be free of the damn shingles. It thrives on stress. And geez, I’ve had some stress as of late. Most of it self-imposed by my need to pack everyday to the maximum with all the things.

So thank you shingles for the wake-up call and reminder.

I recently listened to a very enlightening episode of Don’t Tell Me The Score with Liz Clarke-Saul. This episode is a must listen. Hopefully it will remind you of what is so damn awesome in your life right here and now. Here’s the show synopsis (listen to it – you’ll be glad you did):

What facing death can teach us about living life, with GB Para-cyclist Liz Clarke-Saul. Liz is 30 years old- and has incurable cancer. She was first diagnosed with adamantinoma – an extremely rare form of bone cancer- at the age of 12 in 2001. Liz had her leg amputated because of the disease two years later, and she was inspired to take up para-cycling after London 2012. But last year- with Tokyo 2020 firmly in her sights- Liz found out the adamantinoma had returned, and that it was now incurable. In this episode- Liz talks about the importance of appreciating how precious time is, and why big birthdays shouldn’t be seen as something to dread- but as a privilege. She talks about applying the power of sporting mantras- like ‘control the controllables’- to her situation, as well as the importance of living for the day- because you could get hit by a bus tomorrow.

And in other exciting news, one of my favorite athletes wrote a book. Hillary Allen is inspiring on so many levels. Pre-order her book. Follow her on Instagram. She has been there, been through it, and keeps on doing it. So resilient.

Oh, and it’s the World Cyclocross Championships this weekend. Can’t wait to watch the racing on Saturday and Sunday. Kind of weird to realize that 10 years ago I raced this race.

Cyclo-cross World Championships