Resurfacing

It’s been a while… I’ve written numerous posts in my head but couldn’t get them out and on the screen. Frankly, this is a good thing.

I haven’t been super positive or optimistic for a while now. I was doing great and then the lockdown measures were announced before Christmas. The pool closure brought me to my knees. And no, I’m not exagerrating.

Swimming with the Nepean Masters Swim Club has been a bright light for me this fall. I even signed up for four swims a week in Jan/Feb 2021. And then it was gone.

I held onto Jan. 25 when swim club would resume… and then it happened again. Now my club is on hold until March 31.

The last few days I’ve been angry. Angry at the world. Angry at people. Just plain angry. Frustrated with it all. And feeling helpless to do anything about it.

And then I remembered something I said in 2019 to over 500 women at the Bushtukah S.W.E.E.T night: control the controllables.

These three words have brought me back. All I can do is control my emotions, behaviour, and outlook. And honestly, I’m tired of being angry.

I’ve turned off the radio. I’m listening to CBC Radio 2, podcasts, and a lot of Taylor, Adele, and Marcus. I’m back training for cycling (I need to get fit again so I can lead rides for the Ottawa Women’s Cycling Club). I signed up for dryland swim training with the Rideau Speedaus. I’m drawing regularly. I’m watching goofy television – Great Pottery Throwdown, Junior Bake Off, Hell’s Kitchen, Station 19, and Ugly House to Lovely House.

This is a scary time. I don’t know what will happen next. But I do know this – I’m fortunate to be alive today so it’s up to me to make this a good day.

For now, these two photos are giving me all the feels and hope: