Something has happened to me that hasn’t happened before… I seem to have lost my motivation. I don’t know how this happened or how to get it back. I guess I need some goals. Something to aim for. So this is what I’ll work on this week.

I have lots of stuff I want to do:

• Rideau Lakes Cycle Tour
• Weekly Tuesday night trail runs with the XCZone gang
• A couple of long mountain bike enduro rides/races
• A road race or two
• Lots of long rides to Merrickville and other interesting little towns
• Spend lots of time on my new Opus Fhast 29er
• Race a solid cyclocross season – Eastern Ontario Series and some races New England
• Maybe the odd trail race

So yes, there is lots on that list. Some concrete and some not-so-concrete.

I guess I need to figure out how I’m going to do all this and to do it all well. I know I don’t want to suffer through two days of Rideau Lakes – so I need to get fit and strong for this. I know that two have fun running around in the Gatineau Park on Tuesday nights I need to do more running. I know that to endure four or six hour mountain bike rides/races I need to spend lots of time riding my 29er and honing my technical skills. I know that to race a solid cyclocross season I need to ride my ‘cross bike and work on the basic techniques and develop some sprinting/acceleration fitness.

All this means I need to get a training plan sorted. I know it is only mid-January but I don’t have a big base fitness cushion to rely on – last season was a bust thanks to that darn sickness. But this is behind me now and I’m ready to get back to where I was.

Hey – I think I just find my motivation again! Amazing what some thinking, planning and typing can do. Last season was a bummer but this season is going to be a good one. I’ll be out riding, running and smiling. Time to prove to myself that I’m a healthy person again – take that ulcerative colitis.

You know that feeling when you’re feeling good? You’re feeling so good that you feel as if you have limitless energy and could ride, ski, or run forever? Well, I’ve got that feeling these days. This is awesome (it has been a long time since I’ve had this) – but it is also not so awesome.

The thing is, sometimes I struggle with listening to my body. Particularly when I don’t have a “set” training plan. Right now I’m out there having fun doing whatever I want. This is great. But often this results in my riding the trainer for an hour before work and then going out for a ski later in the day or meeting up with XCZone crew for a snowshoe run. I can sustain this for a couple of days and then I crash. And I crash hard.

My body simply speaks up and says “hey – you don’t have the deep fitness base you used to have. You can’t do three things at your max everyday. Back off and relax a bit!”

So this is what I’m trying to do. Listen to my body and to that little voice in my head that says “take it easy. Enjoy what you’re doing.” I’m so programmed to be “training” for something. It’s strange to not have a training plan that I have to follow. Some of you would likely think that this is a good thing – that life is too short for training plans and structure. Some days I think this and other days I crave this rigour and structure.

I guess this new “phase” of my cycling life is all about learning how to find the balance. How to balance getting out and doing everything I want: skate skiing, snowshoe running, running, road cycling, mountain biking and cyclocross racing – with not burning myself out and actually building some fitness. I don’t want to be mediocre at everything – I want to get my cycling fitness back, use this fitness when I’m out running on the trails or snow and simply enjoy being outside.

It’s not easy to make this transition. I’ll keep chipping away at it day-by-day – finding the groove and balance that works for me. I suppose this all any of us can do.

(Yes a bit of a lame title, but it fits for today.)

So last week I wrote about how I didn’t go out snowshoeing with a local group – I wrote about how I was feeling nervous about my fitness and not being able to “keep up”. I beat myself up pretty darn good over this. Well then I went out to the snowshoe race at the ARK and had so much fun and the extra bonus was I talked to folks who go out to the weekly snowshoe runs – these people convinced me to come out.

On Wednesday, I did it. I went out to the snowshoe run organized by Dave McMahon and Lise Meloche. I was nervous. I didn’t know what to expect. But I was there and I was going to do it. Wow – I’m really glad I went out. I met a few new people. I ran. I played in the snow. I laughed. I panted. It was so much fun. It has been a very long time since I’ve run for close to 90 minutes but once I settled into a manageable pace I was just fine. I made the classic beginner mistake of going out a bit too fast but soon readjusted my pace. (The group stops to let everyone catch up and rest for a few minutes – so this really works for all abilities.)

There were people ahead of me. There were people behind me. I was never alone. There was constant chatter to keep things light and friendly. The sight of the bobbing headlamps weaving through the forest of the Gatineau Park was simply amazing. I have no idea where we went – I think it was a new “trail” – we ran through deep snow, we scrambled up super steep climbs, we leapt and slid down steep descents – it was fun and good for the soul.

At the end of the run I had a chance to talk with Lise a bit. Way back when, I took ski lessons from Lise and went out to the summer trail runs that Dave and Lise organise – Lise was asking where I’ve been for these past six years. I told her about my cyclocross racing, the ulcerative colitis, the fractured vertebrae, etc. I told her how I was just hoping to get “the most out of each day” and how being sick/injured has really reinforced to me how important it is to do “what you can when you can” – Lise has had her own battle with a very severe back injury so she and I were on the same page here. She said something that has stuck with me “just get out and enjoy the day. Do what you can and be happy that you can do it.”

I think this just might be my theme for 2013: do what I can and be grateful that I can do it. (Feel free to remind me of this theme when I start moaning on this website…)

(I’ll be out for the rest of the weekly snowshoe runs – if you’re thinking of coming out. To learn more about these runs, check out Natural Fitness Lab on Facebook and visit the Natural Fitness Lab website.)

Fun was had today. There was huffing and puffing. There was gasping and screams of delight. At times there was tripping and falling and other times it felt like my inner five year-old was letting loose. This good clean fun was had in the great outdoors and saw myself and many other hardy folks strap on the snowshoes to run, hike, scramble, tumble and laugh out loud during the second race in the Atlas Mad Trapper Snowshoe Series.

Located just 40 minutes north of Ottawa, near Wakefield, Quebec, the ARK is located on an amazing piece of property that truly is a big outdoor playground. This was my first time out to the ARK and boy have I been missing out. Think of a large yet cozy building surrounded by nature – this is the ARK.

I’d been curious about the snowshoe races held at the ARK ever since Derrick and Natasha started doing them. They told me how much fun they were and when some of my other friends agreed, I made it a goal this year to participate in the race series. I missed the first early race due to my lingering running injury – but today I was ready to go.

Of course there was a big pile of nerves along with this excitement and eagerness. But once I made my way to the ARK, pinned on my number and chatted with friends and new faces – I soon felt comfortable. It was an interesting group of people – dedicated runners, avid skiers, serious cyclists, and folks who just love to be outside. A pretty darn good group.

The race and race course were simply awesome. This was definitely a “hilly course”. These hills combined with the deep white snow made for some challenging times. I was very happy to learn before the race that it is “okay” to walk the hills. This was a valuable piece of information. Thanks to fine pace setting by Dawn, Heather and Vicki – it was a challenging yet enjoyable time to be running and hiking. Admittedly there were moments when I didn’t think I could climb another step but thoughts of the fun downhill kept me going. Once I found my groove on the descents, I really had a blast – this is when the inner five year-old comes out – I discovered I just had to “let go” and literally jump down the hills in the deep snow. So much fun.

The atmosphere of the event was excellent. Very friendly and outgoing. Afterwards everyone hung out in the ARK, enjoying some great food and tasty beverages. A large number of prizes were given away at random. Lots of laughs and stories were told of experiences out on the race course. Kudos to those folks who did the 10 km race – I cannot imagine doing two loops of that course. (Well, maybe next year…)

The next race in the series is on Jan. 26 and everyone says this one is the most fun – we run at night in the woods. Awesome. I’m really looking forward to this one (also because it promises to be less hilly!). If you’re new to snowshoes and snowshoe running – don’t be shy – come on out. This was only my second time running on my Atlas Run snowshoes and I really haven’t been doing much running – it didn’t matter.

Thanks to the organizer, Mike Caldwell and to everyone who was so encouraging and welcoming – I’m hooked.

Remember the other day when I wrote about “squeezing the most out of every healthy day”? I felt pretty good when I wrote that. Inspired. Motivated. Focused.

Well, the truth is sometimes I don’t live up to my lofty words and ideals. You see the thing is, sometimes I convince myself that I’m not strong enough, fast enough, fit enough, or simply good enough – and I don’t do what I want to do. This happened on Wednesday.

There is a local group here in Ottawa/Gatineau that meets twice a week for snowshoe runs in the Gatineau Park. I’ve wanted to go on these runs for a long time. Last night was the night. My bag was packed. My snowshoes were in the car. I was ready. Then during the day, I managed to talk myself out of going out to the snowshoe run.

I worried about being able to keep up with group.
I stressed about running for 90 minutes.
I mumbled to myself about a lingering heal injury.
I obsessed over the cold weather.
I told myself that I shouldn’t go.
I justified this with some twisted logic.
I let myself down.

Sometimes I let my crazy brain and insecurities win. I guess this makes me human – but I still hate it when this happens. Interesting how self-confidence can slip through my fingers like water.