Optimistic. This is how I’m feeling today. These last few weeks have been tough. But there is no point in dwelling on what I’ve missed out on and what I’m not going to be able to do. The only sensible and viable option for me is to look forward to the future.

The fact of the matter is I’m still quite sick. But I know in my deepest heart that I’m going to get better. That there are brighter days ahead.

Until now I’ve always relied on medicine to help heal my ulcerative colitis. Well, frankly, I’m running out of medical options. So now I’ve decided to try the Specific Carbohydrate Diet (SCD). I won’t go into the details of this diet but suffice it to say it is a way of eating that has helped many people who suffer from ulcerative colitis, Crohn’s Disease, and other auto-immune diseases heal and get back to the lives they had. This is a tough diet to follow – it starts with an elimination diet and then slowly but surely I can start adding in new foods. The one hook with SCD is that grains, starches and some legumes are not permitted (also no chocolate…).

I’ve set out some things that I’d like to do once I’m healthy again. I’m using these as my motivators to help me stick to this challenging way of eating.

I’m only looking forward. There are so many things in life that I want to do and I’m not going to let this speedbump slow me down or force me to lose sight of what really makes life so valuable.

(Looking forward to watching some good bike racing this weekend in the Mississippi Mills area – there is a stage race happening with the highlight being the elite men’s criterium at 7:20 on Saturday evening in Almonte.)

I’ve been getting lots of questions lately about ulcerative colitis so I thought it would be useful to write a bit about this disease. Please keep in mind that I’m not a doctor, this information is what I’ve read, been told and learned first-hand about ulcerative colitis.

• Ulcerative colitis is classified as an Inflammatory Bowel Disease. Crohn’s Disease is also an Inflammatory Bowel Disease. Inflammatory Bowel Disease is often called IBD. IBD and IBS are not the same thing.
• 1 in 160 Canadians have ulcerative colitis or Crohn’s Disease.
• Ulcerative colitis affects the large intestine – also called the bowel or the colon.
• There is no cure for ulcerative colitis.
• The symptoms of ulcerative colitis include: cramping, bloody diarrhea, mucus diarrhea, uncontrollable bowel movements (yes – this means not making it to the bathroom in time), swelling, joint pain, fatigue, anemia, dehydration, nausea, and fever.
• There is no known cause of ulcerative colitis. Doctors don’t know why some people are afflicted with this disease and others are not. Some speculate that there is a genetic connection. Others say it is stress related. Others say it is diet related. Others say it is environmental. No one knows. Because the cause cannot be found – the cure cannot be found.
• Ulcerative colitis is treated with drugs, diet changes, and ultimately the removal of the colon.
• People with ulcerative colitis will be in a periods of remission and flares. When in remission, there are no symptoms of ulcerative colitis – but ulcerative colitis is always lurking. When in a flare, the ulcerative colitis symptoms are present. A remission can last for one day or 15 years. A flare can last for one day or 15 years (though no doctor would allow a patient be in a flare for 15 years). In other words – it is hard to know what the disease will do – when it will show up and how long you’ll be in flare or remission.
• Many people make dietary changes to help alleviate their ulcerative colitis symptoms and the risk of flare. Some people remove gluten and dairy from their diets. Others follow the Specific Carbohydrate Diet. Others eat a low fiber/low residue diet. Others find that dietary changes don’t make a difference.
• When in a flare it is important to avoid foods high in fiber: raw vegetables, most fruit, beans and most grains. Sometimes these dietary changes help. Other times they don’t. Some days it seems like no food will stay in your body. Some people become “afraid” of food. Other times you feel like eating “bad” foods because it really doesn’t make a difference what you eat – it is going to come out.
• Often people with ulcerative colitis don’t look sick. Never say to someone with ulcerative colitis “but you don’t look sick”. On the inside, we are in extreme pain and our main focus is on identifying the nearest toilet. Some people with ulcerative colitis are very thin and others not so much – this depends on how you react to your medication, how swollen you get due to the inflammation and your overall body composition.
• At its worst, ulcerative colitis flares can force you to be admitted to the hospital. A hospital stay can range from three days to three months. It just depends on how you respond to treatment.
• If you know someone with ulcerative colitis and they abruptly walk away from your conversation, quickly stand up and leave a meeting, or suddenly pull over to the side of the road – this is because they have to. There is no time to wait.
• Flares can be different for every single person. For some people there is lots of bright red blood in the toilet. For others there is lots of muccus. For others there is a combination of both. Often people will have false urges.
• Ulcerative colitis can be an isolating disease. Many people are shy to discuss the disease because the symptoms are “embarrassing”. This can often result in people not telling their doctors that they are experiencing symptoms.

Well, that is my “brain dump” on ulcerative colitis. I have experienced all of the symptoms mentioned above. I have not made it to the bathroom in time. I have periods of overwhelming fatigue. Yes, I can still ride my bike to and from work. But I cannot push my body hard. It seems like my ulcerative colitis is brought on by the stress hard training places on my body. I try to avoid gluten and dairy at all times – but if you see me eating a cookie from Starbucks – don’t judge – I’m likely having a very rough day and just need to “feel normal”. I often carry a spare pair of pants with me when I’m in a flare – and yes, I’ve crapped myself – choose a place and it has happened. I don’t look sick. I’m tanned. I’m not super skinny. But I am sick. It is hard to not get depressed when in an ulcerative colitis flare. There are days when I just want my colon taken out (like now). Ulcerative colitis is a rotten disease.

To learn more about ulcerative colitis, visit the Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation of Canada website and the IHaveUC.com website (if you search for my name you’ll find lots of articles I’ve written about ulcerative colitis).

This is a struggle for me to write. In fact this is a struggle for me to think about. I’ve found the best way to cope over the last few days has been to push it to the back of my brain and ignore it. But I can’t hide from this from much longer.

I’m sick again. I’m in an ulcerative colitis flare. It has been getting worse. My energy levels are dropping off. I’m tired. I don’t feel well.

I’ve stopped training. I don’t know if I’ll race again.

I’m riding my bike to and from work when I feel energized enough for the 22 km trip each way. I’m getting out on my BMX bike when I can (it makes me tired but it does put a smile on my face).

I really don’t know what to say. I feel sad.

Today at the office when one of my colleagues asked me what I did on the weekend my answer was: I rode bikes.

That is the simple answer. The longer and more complete answer is:

I met a whole bunch of very cool people. I raced four BMX races. I smiled and laughed like I haven’t done in a long time. I spent time with a good friend. I explored country roads. I ate gluten-free cookies and drank two cans of Cream Soda. I got a sunburn. I felt my body power me along. I enjoyed every single moment of it.

I’m not feeling that great health-wise right now and these moments on the bike are a chance for me to forget about my health problems and dream of what still could be. I’ve had to back off on my training. I’ve had to put any thoughts of doing local criterium races and the upcoming local road races on hold. Right now I’ve got enough in me for commuting to work, short bursts on the BMX track and a long easy ride on the weekend.

This is not what I had planned on doing at this time of the season. But it is what it is. And I’m going to make the best of it.

(A big thanks to all the cool people out at the Ottawa BMX track who have really helped me out and welcomed me into their fast-pedaling and high-flying gang. BMX is so much fun. Wish I had discovered it 20 years ago.)

Here’s a picture to get you pumped for BMX:

(I’m a bit late in writing this post…)

This past Sunday I was part of a very fun and inspiring event at Wild Rock Outfitters in Peterborough, ON. The team at Wild Rock did an amazing job of putting on an event that was all about women and being active. With a loose agenda of simply “coming out for a Sunday evening to meet others, hang out, talk to industry folks and enjoy some tasty wine and food” – the evening ended up being all this and more.

I wasn’t sure what to expect and admittedly I was a bit nervous – I didn’t know anyone from Wild Rock and I wasn’t sure what my role would be. Well, a big thanks to the team out for the Get Out And Play event – they made me feel at home instantly and I really felt at ease.

I was at Wild Rock Outfitters on behalf of Lolë who along with Merrell and FIG were the title sponsors of the event. The focus really was on connecting women in the Peterborough area with one another. It was awesome to see these women mingling, chatting and smiling as they talked cycling, running, yoga, clothes, camping and everything in between. There were long line-ups for the change rooms and I was kept pretty busy helping lots of women out with their bike questions.

One of the big highlights of the night was meeting the talented team behind Flirtees. Seriously if you like cycling or simply ride a bike, you need to check out these t-shirts. Fun and snappy designs that will put a smile on your face and chances are your new Flirtee will become your favourite t-shirt.

Suffice it to say, it was a great way to spend a Sunday evening. The time zipped by and I really was excited to see women of all ages out talking with another about leading an active lifestyle. It is refreshing to know that there are so many women out there who are excited and interested in being active.

A huge thanks to Lolë for inviting me to come out and represent their fine line of clothing. I have to say that this past Sunday night at Wild Rock Outfitters, all of the women there truly were embracing Lolë’s mantra of: Live Out Loud Everyday.

I’m looking forward to returning to the store in the fall to host a cyclo-cross clinic (rumour has it that Peterborough has a growing cyclo-cross scene). Until then if you’re interested in riding, take a look at the Peterborough Cycling Club website – there are rides specific to new riders, women, and everyone else in between.

Thanks again to Jessica and her team at Wild Rock Outfitters, the Flirtee girls, and to Lolë for such a great Sunday night.