All athletes are familiar with the head games that happen in sport. This game can take many forms: competitors talking trash, being intimidated by the “look” or “swagger” of an opponent, and your own personal self-doubt. Well, for the first time in a long time, I fell victim to the head game.

It happened last night at the Bill Patterson Memorial Criterium race. This race is held annually to honor Bill Patterson, a former Ottawa sportscaster who was very supportive of athletes of all stripes. The race was held at the same venue we race at every other week – only difference being the course is a bit longer with a chicane, climb and downhill corner. Due to the chicane before the hill and the fast downhill corner – this is a challenging race course.

Needless to say, I was nervous. I wasn’t sure about the speed of the downhill corner – I’ve seen the guys race this course, and frankly they really push it on this corner coming very very close to the curb… But with encouragement from Marc, Glen and Hans, I agreed to race. All three essentially said the same thing “What have you got to loose? If you feel poorly – pull the plug. But at least start. You’ve got nothing to prove.” Very fair points.

So I lined up. But I wasn’t into it. I really felt like I was racing waiting to get dropped or to gap myself. This lead to not very smart crit riding on my part. I always needed to be a couple “rows” further up in the group but wasn’t willing to find the holes and waves to move up. This put me in a bad spot going into the chicane, this poor positioning caused me to loose some spots on the hill and then I would panic a bit and end up braking on the descent into the corner. All culminating in gapping myself coming out of the corner and doing the long chase to catch back on – only to repeat again next lap. I have to say massive thanks to Doug and a couple of other unknown guys for the pushes from behind – never have I been so happy to feel a hand on my butt! In the end, I did pull the plug.

It took about three minutes. And I felt it. The remorse of dropping out of a race. Of knowing that I don’t fully commit myself and admitting that I could have ridden smarter. Sigh. So what can I take from this? First off – I don’t want to experience these feelings again. Quitting doesn’t sit well with me. The other lesson: trust myself and believe in my skill, fitness and desire. Don’t get sucked into the head game.

Upside was I did get to watch the race and catch up with a bunch of folks I don’t normally see. Congrats to the Ride with Rendall team for sweeping the podium! Nice ride guys – impressive team work.

Some of you may know that Marc crashed last night. He crashed on the downhill corner. Too much speed. Thanks very much for your emails and calls today. Marc is doing okay. He has a slight separation in his shoulder and a lot of road rash. The one thing I learned from his crash? Wear a helmet!! If you have any doubts about helmets – let me know and I’ll send you a photo of Marc’s helmet. I’m a firm believer that helmet is the only reason we’re not sitting in a hospital right now. Many thanks to Ross for his diligent care last night – much appreciated. Thanks to Steve (Fearless Leader) for giving Marc’s bike the once-over. (Yes, the bike is fine – some ripped bar tape and a couple of dings on the brake lever.)

So there you have it, the many lessons learned from a local race on a Tuesday night.

Local racing action this weekend at the annual Preston St. criterium. Check out Bike Race Ottawa for the race details.

Wow – Saturday was a most excellent day on the bikes. I got in a large amount of riding and was able to work on so many key components. Really for me, Saturday was all about focusing on my weaknesses. We all have them, those areas of our fitness or riding skills that simply aren’t as sharp as other aspects of our fitness and skill set. The easy part is to kind of push this to the side and do what is “fun”, i.e. focus on the areas we are good at. But this simply does not translate to long-term growth.

So Saturday started off with two hour session on the road bike. On the schedule were VO2max intervals. I so struggle with this range. During my critical power tests I dread the 3 – 5 minute all-out effort. And I typically crash and burn with little to no style during these intervals. But yesterday I took a new mental approach to these. I realized that there is a reason that I’m doing them. I also recognized that I struggle with these intervals. So my goal was simply to focus on banging out one solid interval. I concentrated on not going out super hard at the beginning only to flame out 1 minute later. The first interval was really good. I verbally congratulated myself. (Roll your eyes if you want but positive reinforcement, however it comes is critical to confidence and success.) I gave myself a good rest period and then hit up the second and third intervals. Guess what? Each one got progressively better. I wasn’t all over my bike and panting like a dog. I was in the drops, turning the legs over and in control of my breathing. Better yet, the wattage numbers were bang on to what I was “aiming” for. Sweet. And yes, I did verbally congratulate myself again. I was able to finish off this ride with a feeling of satisfaction and success. Don’t get me wrong, those intervals hurt like nobody’s business. But the pay-off will be huge and I know the next time I do them, I’ll be able to approach the work-out with more confidence and “fun”.

Got in the door and after a quick super smoothie, I was out the door to meet Sheri for a ‘cross ride in the Gatineau Park. I’d been wanting to get out in the Gatineau Park for so long on my ‘cross bike but I don’t know very many of the trails in the park. So Sheri was generous enough to give up her afternoon to take me out.

This ride was the second part of focusing on areas of improvement. I’ve written in this space many times about how I’m determined to improve my technical riding skills. So the only way to do this (in my opinion) is to put myself in challenging technical situations. Yesterday’s ride fit the bill. The trail we rode was technically challenging but also offered sections that I was confident on and could ride. This was perfect – I was able to get comfortable on the terrain so when I needed to really take a deep breathe and trust my skills and the bike, I could. We got in a solid two hour ride of climbing, descending, navigating rocks, roots, singletrack, loose gravel, etc. Great ride. I must admit there were a few moments where I was quite scared and my heart was in my throat – but the good news is, I survived it and nothing “bad” happened. For me a lot of the uneasiness with the technical riding of ‘cross is not “knowing what’s coming up” – hence my over use of the breaks and non-aggressive position on the bike. Well, one of my goals was to work on this yesterday. I’m happy to say that I think I improved as the ride went on. Thanks again Sheri for taking me out and showing me around. Looking forward to the next time out.

There you have it. A very solid training day. I got in everything I wanted to. Learned a few lessons. Reinforced some skills. Picked up a few new skills. Gained some confidence. And most importantly, I had a blast doing it. Great day on the bike.

Pretty much sums up how I’m feeling right now. On top of the world. Feeling like a million bucks. Guess this is because I had a banner day today.

Kicked it off with a smooth commute into the office on my two-wheeler. Nothing like zipping past cars that are stopped in a never-ending line of cars. I love zooming by, knowing that I’m actually getting somewhere. This morning commute helps me really take stock of things and allows me to start my day with a clear mind. I find that if I’m stuck in traffic or even feel like I’m being “held up” by the motorist in front of me, I can become a bit surly. Work was nothing spectacular. Accomplished some stuff and then left. Wow, nothing like the bright blue sky and warm sun to help me forget the time spent in a cubicle. Awesome ride home – felt like the wind was at my back the whole way.

Had a great talk with my coach today. So helpful to have a coach who guides me along this path of cycling but who I can also be totally honest with on how things are going. We had a great chat, talked a lot about my focus for the next few months with an eye on the ‘cross season. Gains are happening in the weight room and on the bike. I’m feeling super strong, my numbers are going up, and my confidence is super strong right now.

During my training ride today, I realized how integral this confidence is to athletic success. I was listening to the latest Inside Track podcast. The host Robin Brown was interviewing Perdita Felicien. Felicien is one of Canada’s top athletes. World Champion. National Champion. Countless other top results at international track and field meets. Felicien is one of the top hurdlers in the world. But as they talked about during this interview, her athletic career has seen its share of ups and downs. Felicien has had her share of injuries and disappointment (Athens Olympics), but she keeps on coming back. But through it all she has her confidence. She knows that being a hurdler is a gift and she also knows that she is talented. This has helped her get through the lows and as well keep her grounded through the highs. I’m looking forward to seeing her compete again. (In fact she raced this evening in Toronto…) One thing I really appreciated from this interview, was how Felicien stressed how she was and still is concerned about developing ego. She said it is important for her not to come off as a “diva” or to develop a big ego – for this she relies on her family and friends to keep her in check. Anyway, if you’re looking for an interesting interview and some insight into what it is like to be an elite athlete, check out the podcast.

Hmm, seemed to digress a bit, but hopefully you got my point… As for me, my confidence is really high right now. I’m feeling good about my training. I have been getting some pressure because I haven’t been racing much this summer. This pressure can be hard to take. Especially when I know I’m really fit right now. It is tempting to start racing my brains out. But I have to ask myself, how will this help with the bigger picture? Will I be recovered enough to put in the solid training rides and time in the weight room? More importantly, what about the mental fatigue? I’ve just put together my ‘cross racing schedule and it is busy, full-on from mid-September until the end of January. That is a long season. With very intense racing, challenging courses and a great deal of travel. So I need to be as prepared and as ready as I can. Hence the lighter racing schedule this summer and a greater focus on training and recovery. One thing I’ve really noticed is that with my increased fitness, I can really focus when I’m on the ‘cross bike. My brain isn’t concerned about getting up the hill or maintaining speed – rather I can focus on other things like reminding myself to look ahead, to use my upper body when climbing, or to simply enjoy what I’m doing.

Yah, so things are good right now. Feeling pretty darn lucky.

As you know, I couldn’t do this without support from my sponsors. So I want you to check out the Kingsbridge blog – the company is involved in some fundraising for cancer research. Pretty much everyone I know has been affected by cancer in some way, so thanks to the Kingsbridge team for contributing to a worthwhile fundraising venture.

Today I had one of those training sessions on the ‘cross bike that I crave. Everything just really came together. I was focused on the drills and everything just came together so well.

I rolled over to my neighbourhood park with a bunch of flags and a plan. This park has a steep and kind of wide hill in it. Perfect for setting up flags and working on turning under pressure and with speed. So I set up four flags across the face of the hill. Idea being was to force me to get used to turning with speed. This drill also forced me to focus on looking ahead, pedaling through the corners and completing my turns. If I didn’t continue to turn the wheel, I would not be set up correctly for the next flag.

Last year I had tried to do this same drill with Marc and I really struggled. I was sloppy, slow and all over the brakes. But I told myself today would be different. It is a new year and I’m a new rider.

I stayed in a positive head space. If I made a mistake and overshot a flag or forgot to pedal through the turn, I simply reminded myself of what I had to do and focused on it the next time through. I’ve got to say it is amazing what positive self-talk can do.

I had a blast. I started out conservatively to gain confidence and learn the skills. Then as things got easier, I made the drill more challenging. More speed. Less brake. No brake. Tighter turns. Harder gears. Etc. All in all I’m pretty darn happy with how it went.

The next phase of the session used the same flag set up but this time I was climbing the hill. I have struggled in the past with steep climbs, off-camber climbs, and climbs that involve turning. So this was a perfect drill for me. I was forced to really use my body to get the bike through the corners and I really had to become comfortable with my bike. It worked. I steadily got better at moving my bike through the tight uphill turns – focusing on forward momentum and using my entire body to move the bike along. I concentrated on keeping the feet turning over in the really steep and challenging turns. In the past, I let myself stall out on steep climbs and I’d simply stop pedaling. Not today.

So it was a good time on the ‘cross bike. I learned some new skills. Honed some other skills. Was able to put together lessons from the past. What really impressed me was that there were times when my pedals were digging into the side of the hill or the speed was a bit crazy – I just kept on going. In the past I would have been flustered with myself.

I left my little neighbourhood park feeling really satisfied and empowered. A great session on the bike.

The only sad thing about this ride today was the park itself. It was pretty much empty. There was one dad there with two little guys – playing catch in the ball diamond. Another dad came with a little guy and they kicked around a soccer ball. That’s it. It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon in the suburbs and the park was pretty much empty! I like to think it was because people were out “playing” in the other parks in the area…

Something I’ve been thinking about lately is ego. Ego in sports. Ego in athletes. Not sure why I’ve got this on my brain lately. But it is there. Some parts of me like to believe that an athlete who wants to be her/his best, does not have room for ego in the emotional tickle trunk. But then I think of the 100 meter track and field sprinters and cyclists like Mark Cavendish. When these athletes are out working, they are all ego and bravado. And it works – they are winners – particularly Cavendish. On the other hand there are the quiet, understated athletes who simply toe the line, ride hard, get an excellent result and then go home to get up and do it again the next day. There is no tough talk, chest thumping, etc. Athletes who come to mind are Michael Barry, Svein Tuft, Gina Grain, and Catharine Pendrel. These cyclists do their jobs quietly – getting amazing results but without the “in-your-face” behaviour. So I’m trying to figure out what works? What is the best way to manage ego? Do you need to have some ego to succeed as an elite athlete? Is ego completely individual to the person? I guess part of what I’m grappling with is the difference/similarities between ego and confidence. I need to believe in myself. I need to be confident in my skills and fitness. But how to do this without letting ego take over? What are the boundaries between ego and confidence?

(Yes, your thoughts on this are much appreciated.)

Oh, it is in the air. The air is thick with it. Can you feel it? Geez, I can practically taste it. Yes, I’m talking about the ‘cross season. It is coming. It is creeping up on us faster than we realize. There is talk all over the WWW about new ‘cross teams, ‘cross racing schedules, plans for Europe, new wheelsets – pretty you name it and some in the ‘cross world is talking about it or being talked about. Seems early this year for the hype and excitement to start. I’m cool with this. I say we need this kind of excitement all year round.

Every year we see more and more cyclists who are making ‘cross their focus. No longer an after thought at the end of a road season or mountain biking season. Cyclo-cross is becoming the season, with road and mountain biking as way to keep the ‘cross fitness and skills. Kinda cool. This is just what we need to keep building momentum in this fine sport.

I’m working on a few little projects to help keep the growth going here in my fine city of Ottawa. Yes, when I have more details, you’ll be the first to know all about it. Lets just say, I’ve realized that as an elite racer, I need to do my part to give back to the community. It is all fine and well for me to race all over North American and Europe, but what is key is making sure that the grass roots remain and get stronger year after year. I think some of you know where I’m going with this… Anyway, I’m jazzed about my little project. Just have to get the logistics sorted and we’ll be good to go.

Got out today for a nice play on the ‘cross bike. Had planned to get out yesterday but I was wiped out with this ridiculous stomach bug. Caught this crazy bug on Saturday. Kept on thinking it would go away – chalked it up to eating too much dried fruit or too much flax seed. Nope, turns out I had the flu after all. So I caved – stayed home from work and did nothing. Yep, pretty darn bored by 5:00.

The good news is – I feel stellar today. Amazing what a few bananas and Immodium can do for a body! So I wasted no time and hit up the ‘cross bike for some fun riding in the trails by my house. What a great network of trails. Each time I hit up this “park” I manage to find some new trails and routes. Even better, each time I go out I’m flowing a bit faster and doing a few more things right. Today I reminded myself to keep on pedaling – “keep pedaling” was the mantra in my head. I caught myself a few times easing off on the pedals when I wasn’t sure what was around the bend – then I remembered – pedal, pedal, pedal. Speed and momentum trumps all.

Slowly but surely the lessons from the years gone by are percolating into my brain. Funny how it sometimes just takes time to put two and two together.

Plan is to get the ‘cross bike out both Saturday and Sunday. I’m hoping to hit up the Gatineau Park on Saturday, so if you have any suggestions for some challenging but not ridiculous trails that I can ride on my ‘cross bike – post up in the comments.

Okay, I’m out. Thanks for reading. Hey, check out my sponsors – excellent companies and people who have stepped forward to support me on my quest for the World Championships.