Sorry for the delay in writing about the day of racing at Pine Point Park in Toronto on Saturday… Had a long day that was capped off with some non-cyclocross racing entertainment. Yes, I’m going to take a moment to brag about my little brother – you might know that my brother Greg Thomas is a professional actor… and on Saturday night we were fortunate enough to watch him perform as part of the Buzz Festival at Theatre Passe Muraille. So after a day of cheering, racing, and deep thinking we blasted into downtown Toronto to hang out with some fine folks and watch my brother do his show. It was a great way to unwind after a day of ups and downs (literally and figuratively).

But, we’re home now so you’ve got my undivided attention and it is time to tell you about my race. Chances are you’ve already browsed Pedal magazine or Canadian Cyclist so you’ve seen the results down on paper… Not the best day for me. In fact I would have to chalk this race up as one of my sub-par days. Can I point to one thing that went wrong or didn’t come together for me? Not really.

As you know I’m not one for making excuses for how and why things didn’t turn out the way I wanted. Nope – the reality is – I had a not great day on a course that really highlighted my deficiencies as a rider – combined with a terrible start and some serious mental battles during the race and I ended up 16th on the day. Not proud of it. But it is what it is.

There is no hiding on a course that involves a lot of climbing and the need to be able to accelerate when already at your perceived maximum effort. I am not good at riding steep short climbs. In fact I’ll state it here – I’m very bad at this skill and I’ve been hiding from this reality for some time by being able to compensate with my power. Well, this didn’t work for me on Saturday. I had to dismount and run the two steep pitches that everyone else was able to ride… This cost me – in time and mentally.

I’ll be completely honest here – I let myself and you down on Saturday. I gave up on the bike. I decided during the race that I was done – that I would scrap my ticket to Belgium, the car rental, the house arrangements, and the racing plans – all because I wasn’t having the ride that I believed I should be having… Yes I was in a very bad way and I only have myself to blame. I quit on myself when the going got tough and things weren’t happening the way I wanted.

You see, I believed I could get a top 10 – heck I had this delusional idea that I was good enough for a top 5! Yes, even with not being able to ride what every other rider in my race was riding. Now this belief wasn’t because of an inflated ego – nope it all came down to wanting to go to the World Championships… I took a bunch of my eggs and shifted them into a basket that all season hasn’t been part of my plan. I believed that somehow that at this race, I would have the ride of the season and pull out skills that I’ve never had before…

Yes, pretty darn silly. But this is the truth. I’m not proud of it. But this is what happened. So take some misguided self-imposed outcome expectations, combined with a very bad start, a course that didn’t have much space for putting down monster power efforts, throw in some steep climbing – and I quit on myself. If you were at the race and saw me (thanks for the cheering) you likely saw my facial expression – I was angry and just plain old not having fun. Sure I did some things well – my cornering was pretty good, I lined up the twists and turns well, I let the bike run on the downhill corners and I was standing up and accelerating out of the corners – but it wasn’t enough.

As a bike racer it can be very challenging to have such a day. But it happens. As Marc said yesterday, the easy route would be to quit and give up. And this is not the route for me. Nope, I’ve already got training sessions arranged for when I arrive in Belgium with some good coaches so that I can fix and improve on my weaknesses. I felt sorry for myself for a good part of yesterday and Marc had to really give me a shake to help me see that I was actually being rather dumb.

Today, I still feel badly about the race but not the same way as I did on Saturday. Today I have feelings of regret – why didn’t I go out and get the help and coaching I needed earlier in the season to address my start, acceleration and climbing issues? Why didn’t I do this? It took a big race for me to clearly realize that I can’t rely on a few tricks – I need to be a more well-rounded racer and athlete.

Alright, enough negativity… A big thank you to Marc for his patience, support, intelligent words and understanding of what I was going through. Huge thanks to my dad for driving down to Toronto and being there all day to take photos, cheer us both on and to simply be part of the day. More thanks to all of you for the cheering out on the course, for the photos, for the emails and comments – I really appreciate it and wish I could have said hello and thank you to more of you in person.

I’m super proud of Marc and his ride on Saturday – he finished third in the Masters 40-49 race. He had a very good ride on a course that really wasn’t for him either. But he rode to his strengths, kept his head on his shoulders and dug deep for the entire race. Super proud of him.

Thanks as well to the organizers, to Alex Sanna for his expert help in the pits, to Peter Mogg for his words of wisdom, and to the young gun moustache/mullett-crew for putting a smile on my face.

I’ve been feeling slightly unsettled all day. Trouble focusing and a bit distracted. Guess this is a case of “grown up” butterflies. Funny I’m not even sure why I’m feeling like this today. Cyclocross Nationals isn’t until Saturday…

I’m guessing it is because I want to dig out that ride I know I have inside me and let it fly on Saturday afternoon.

I think the butterflies and slight case of “crazy brain” is a good sign – shows that I care and that I want to do my thing on Saturday. Last year I was fairly complacent because I knew that racing sick I wouldn’t do what I wanted. But this year, things have really started clicking.

Anyway, enough rambling. All this to say that I’m looking forward to racing and even happier to have the opportunity to do it!

Some words that probably most of you can use:
You are better than you think you are.
You can do more than you think you can.

On Sunday after the cyclocross race I was chatting with young Lois and her family about skiing. The conversation got around to why I don’t ski anymore… I explained how I’m really just not a very good skier. How my technique is poor. How I’m a very slow skier. Etc, etc.

And each time I presented an excuse for why I have neglected my skate skis for so long, Lois responded with “So? But Why Not Ski?”. And each time she did this I had a harder and harder time explaining why I don’t ski…

So the next time you have a reason to not do something – think of me and Lois in the parking lot. Me trying to explain to a kid why as an adult I had given up on something…

I have a feeling I’ll be stepping into the skis this year.

Sitting on a plane and in an airport for the bulk of Tuesday gave me a lot of time to think about my cyclocross season so far… Well, in a nutshell I’d have to sum up the season to date as “not bad”. Now some of you might be thinking that this is a bit of harsh assessment – particularly considering how I was doing last year.

But, I’m a big believer at not giving myself too many pats on the back. One too many pats on the back can sometimes result in complacency or false expectations. The thing is, I know I’m riding better than I was last year. But the thing is, last year I was sick. This year I’m not sick. (Knock on wood.) Luckily for me I’m in a “remission” right now and I’m able to push my body just the way I want to.

So, yes, this season is a vast improvement over last year but to me, I expected it to be. I really expected nothing less from myself. I knew that healthy I could return to the form I’ve had before and that I could and will continue to improve.

The season so far has had its share of ups and downs – some good rides and some not so good rides. Days on the bike where I was really pushing my limits and loving every aspect of being a cyclocross racer. I’ve had races where I’ve exceeded my expectations and races where I was thoroughly disappointed in my performance. I suppose this is what keeps me lining up – waiting to see what the 40 minutes or so will bring.

So now, less than two weeks before cyclocross Nationals and less than two weeks before I leave for Belgium, I’ve realized the following:
– strength is returning – in some areas it is better than it has ever been
– confidence and mental strength are spot on – a very nice change from years past where I grappled with self-confidence
– technical skills are better but I still need to do the little things better to see bigger gains
– my start is still sub-par – this is my biggest area of weakness and is holding me back
– I want to race my bike and I want to get out and train – my motivation is very high
– I’m super lucky to have such a strong support network

My goals for the season remain the same and I’m just going to keep working towards them. My approach to racing remains the same – focus on a good performance and the outcome will happen. But I think where I need to make a change is with my technical training – I’m at the point where I need to really drill down and work on my weaknesses, so this means focusing on the start, leg speed and the ability to ride up any and all steep climbs.

Hence the “not bad” assessment. At this point in the season I’m close to where I want to be and with some continued hard work and improvements I’ll be closer to where I want to be. The interesting thing about this is the closer I get to where I want to be, the line shifts a bit more and I’ve still got further to go….