Today during my ride (the last of the rest and recovery phase…) I started having a conversation with myself. Don’t laugh – I’m pretty confident you do the same during your rides….
This particular conversation had to do with wondering when I would be “good enough”. Now it was a short-lived conversation but basically it centred around my desire to race as well as I know I can. In past years, particularly last year, I haven’t raced as well as I would have liked. I was always hovering, hanging on, holding back – not quite doing what I wanted. Sure I had some really good rides but not the rides I wanted – simply put I didn’t feel like I was riding “good enough”.
Today I started thinking about what “good enough” really means? Does it mean winning every race you enter? Does it mean giving it your all each and every time you line up? Does it mean consistently improving through-out the season? Does it mean setting goals and achieving those goals? Does it mean recognizing your weaknesses and attacking these with zest and passion? What does “good enough” really mean?
Tough one eh?
So now I’m going to attempt to explain what “good enough” means to me right now today on July 28, 2011. Today it means being able to get out and smash myself on my bike for multiple days in a row – this shows that I’m good enough to train hard again. Today it means going out on my cyclo-cross bike and pushing my limits to the point of outright terrifying myself and then pushing it that last little bit – this shows that I’m good enough to accept that I need to improve and learn. Today it means approaching each ride and effort with optimism and the belief that I can always ride harder and faster – this shows that I’m good enough to be confident in my abilities. Today it means putting together an overambitious racing calendar and listening to my coach and husband when they tell me I’m crazy – this shows I’m good enough to want to get out and race each and every time I can.
Yes, I’m good enough. I’m far away from the athlete I was a few years ago when I worried that other people wouldn’t think I’m good enough. I have learned – particularly thanks to last season – that people are going to think what they think – regardless of if they really know you and what is going behind-the-scenes.
So yes, I’m good enough. Today, I’m good enough. On September 10 – my first race of the season – I’ll be reminding myself of this very fact – I’m good enough and I’m only going to get gooder (sorry couldn’t help myself!).
To be blunt: I’m feeling good and I’m going to roll with this.