Sometimes it is hard to know how serious to be. I spent many years being serious. Really focusing on my cyclocross racing – I worked part-time, I worked hard to find sponsors, I structured my life around my training and racing, I stopped eating chocolate, and I simply pedaled my bike. I was serious. I had goals. I had expectations. I had self-imposed pressure. I had motivation.

Now, I’m in a new phase. I want to race my bike. I want to race my bike really well. But do I want to be as serious as I was? The question remains, can I achieve what I want with a bit more balance in my life?

I wrote recently about all the things I want to do this year. In short, this was a rather long and slightly unfocused list of stuff. No real tangible goals there. Just stuff that I want to do in 2013. Does not having goals mean I’m not serious?

Do you have to have goals to be serious? I don’t know. I don’t know where the lines of serious, focus, goals, and life balance all intersect.

Right now I’m feeling that without structure, I’m highly unfocused. I’m not being as rigorous as I normally am on my diet (so much Belgian chocolate in this house). I am riding four days a week but not with any structure – I’m just doing what I “think” makes sense right now (riding in a zone 1 wattage for an hour three times a week and for 90 minutes once a week). I’m getting out for 90 minute to two hour skate skis three times a week. Toss in power yoga twice a week and hot yoga once a week and I’m getting some strength building and bendiness in my body. Then there’s the snowshoe running which I’ve only done twice (but I’ll be out this Wednesday).

So, just like my list of stuff that I want to do in 2013, I’m currently doing a lot of stuff. Does this mean I’m focused? Does this mean I’m serious? I don’t know. I do know I’m having fun right now. I’m doing what I want when I want and I’m not tied to a structured training schedule.

But I think it’s time. I crave structure. I like “to do” lists. I like to have a work-out planned and written down on a piece of paper – this means I’ll do it.

But still what is serious? I’m curious to know what you think? I’m kind of worried that if I’m not serious this season I won’t do everything I want. But what if that seriousness takes away some of the fun? Are there levels of serious?

(And yes, I do have some goals. I’m just not ready to write them down yet. I guess this is because I don’t have the structure I “feel” I need to actually achieve these goals…)

Oh yes, my brain is a bit crazy these days. But I think in a good way. I’m in a good place – enjoying riding the trainer, having fun on my skis and snowshoes and enjoying my yoga practice. To top it off, I’m not obsessing about my weight (yes, I did this in the past…) – I’m feeling great about my healthy and strong body and enjoying this feeling.

So what do you think about this whole business of serious? Am I simply being too serious about being serious?

(On another note: huge shout out to Conor O’Brien, Evan McNeely, Wendy Simms, Gabby Day and Helen Wyman – all racing tomorrow in the World Cyclocross Championships in Louisville, Kentucky. I’ll be cheering and yelling at my laptop urging you on. Enjoy it. Soak it all in. Have fun.)