For 12 days, I’ve been telling Marc that “today is the day. Today is the day they’ll call me.” Well, wouldn’t you know it on the 12th day I got lucky and got the call I’ve been waiting for.

I have a confirmed surgery date of April 30.

Wow, talk about the best early birthday present ever. Not many people want to have their rectum removed and their bum stapled shut for their birthday – but I’m not like most people.

So, now I’ve got 16 days to get ready physically and mentally. I’ve been so super tired lately so this cold weather is a blessing in disguise. It’s taken me two weeks of riding in the cold to realize that with my body as worn down as it is, it’s okay to say “I’m too tired to ride.” This is not an easy thing to do. I’m programmed to ride, ride, and ride some more.

I’ve got a good chunk of work to do before the 30th. But this is all really self-imposed. My super bosses at Know Agency have been overwhelmingly understanding and I really can’t imagine any other place being so accommodating. So yeah, if you need SEO or digital marketing work/advice/expertise – give Know Agency some payback for me and contact them.

It was my birthday on Friday the 13th. It was a good one. A huge thank you to everyone who made it so special.

And now, comes some tricky stuff. There are lots of people who I want to get together with before my surgery. However, I cannot under any circumstances risk catching a cold or flu. So if you have the sniffles, sore throat, an earache, a stomach ache, an upset stomach, pink eye, shingles, are getting over a cold/flu, or don’t feel well and believe you’re not contagious – please stay away from me and Marc. I cannot get sick. Please cancel our plans. If we meet up and I sense a sickness – I will leave. Yes, this is harsh but I have no other choice. This surgery is this important.

One more thing… having this kind of surgery is not fun. My rectum is being removed and my butt is being stapled shut. Not cool. At all. After the surgery, I won’t feel great or look great. I’m only in the hospital for a short period of time (four days). So please, do not come and visit me. Seriously. You can come visit me at home – you can even put me in your car and take me to Starbucks or somewhere with fresh air. But please, do not come visit me. Put it this way, not even my parents are coming – I’ve told them to stay home and to come in May or June when I can move around without a catheter, a hospital gown, an IV, an abdominal drain, adult diaper thingys, and narcotics.

I know, I’m being harsh and very self-centred here – but I don’t want to get sick and have my surgery cancelled and I really don’t want you to be disappointed with a hospital visit that involves me not being my best self.

So, yeah. That’s the news. I think being 46 is going to be really damn good. Well, apart from not have a butt anymore. But hey, at least you can’t call me an asshole…. (Sorry this is a barbie butt joke…)