This post is a reminder for my future self – it’s okay to not do it, it’s okay to not do all the things in one day, it’s okay to sit and just be still.
It seems that in between the articles about languishing and flourishing, there is the constant unspoken message of needing to always be doing. At least, this is how I feel. I read the articles about how it’s okay to feel burnt out or to be lacking motivation but then I think “yeah, whatever – I still have 15 things I need to get done today.”
And then I try to do those 15 things – some happen, some don’t, and generally of the ones that do get done – most are wrapped in frustration, fatigue, and disinterest.
And here we are today.
I had planned on leaving the house at 7 a.m. for a longish ride to Merrickville and then filling the rest of the day with all the things.
But instead, it’s noon and I’m still in my pyjamas. I got up at 10 a.m. I have zero intentions of riding, swimming, or really doing much.
I want to ride. I want to swim. I want to do everything. But some days I just can’t.
Is it burnout? Is it pandemic fatigue? Is it the fatigue of living with a chronic illness? Is it because the last few days I feel like I’ve been digesting knives? Is it because it got freaking hot really fast? Is it because of the hot flashes and perimenopause?
I don’t know what it is (probably all of the above and more)… What matters is the listening and reminding myself that it’s okay not to do it.