On Confidence

Phrases I’ve said out loud and inside my head this past week:

I’m really really slow

I don’t think I can do it

I’m so tired of being slow

My technique is terrible

I’m trying to boost myself up

Maybe I should quit

I’m nervous

The thing is, I’ve signed up for a big swimming challenge next week and I really want to get back to playing hockey again. And both of these fun things that I really want to do are messing with my head. To the point where my brain is flooded with stress and rumination.

I know, it doesn’t make sense! Or does it? I told myself that I’m on this low-confidence thought pattern because I care about doing well. But is this right? Or am I having these feelings of self-doubt and negativity because I’m looking for a way-out of putting myself in what could be a stressful situation?

I think it’s both. Essentially it’s a mixture of fear and anticipation. Whatever it is, I was struggling to get out of this rut of self-doubt, low confidence, and brain muttering.

And then, last night I watched Kipchoge: The Last Milestone.

It’s not often a movie clicks for me. This one did. Listening to Eliud Kipchoge talk about training, life, running, and hearing from others who know him, helped snap me out of my low-confidence mindset.

If you don’t know who Eliud Kipchoge is, here’s what you need to know – Eliud is the first person to run a marathon under 2 hours. He is the best marathoner of all-time. But he is more than his marathon results, he’s a good person – it’s hard to explain – just watch the movie or the live coverage from Vienna, or read some interviews with him.

Maybe these quotes from Eliud Kiphchoge will help me explain myself better:

No human is limited.”

If you want to break through, your mind should be able to control your body. Your mind should be a part of your fitness.

Mentality is where the success is.”

I would like to tell every living soul in the world that anyone can do whatever they want, all they need is to believe and trust in themselves.”

My secret? I run with my heart and my mind.”

So you get the idea. Anyway, watch the movie – you won’t regret it.

It’s funny as I sit here and think about the quotes I just posted here, I’m reminded of 2008, 2009, and 2010. Back then I was fully in on trying to achieve a big goal. A goal that many people told me was impossible.

But I believed in myself. I believed in my training. I trusted my coach. I had an amazing group of people who reminded me to trust the process and to keep digging hard. And it worked. I did it. It wasn’t easy. There were many tough days – but somehow I kept on going.

Looking back on this time now, I really think it came down to my mind. I believed. It’s funny though when I think back to this time, I do wish I could have had even more confidence and self-belief. I wonder what I could have done then?

A while ago I was luck to talk at the Bushtakah SWEET night. I talked about goals, controlling the controllables, support networks, and self-belief. I guess it’s time I reread my speech and listen to my own advice…

Reset button is pushed. I’m ready.