Phrases I’ve said out loud and inside my head this past week:

“I’m really really slow“

“I don’t think I can do it“

“I’m so tired of being slow“

“My technique is terrible“

“I’m trying to boost myself up“

“Maybe I should quit“

“I’m nervous“

The thing is, I’ve signed up for a big swimming challenge next week and I really want to get back to playing hockey again. And both of these fun things that I really want to do are messing with my head. To the point where my brain is flooded with stress and rumination.

I know, it doesn’t make sense! Or does it? I told myself that I’m on this low-confidence thought pattern because I care about doing well. But is this right? Or am I having these feelings of self-doubt and negativity because I’m looking for a way-out of putting myself in what could be a stressful situation?

I think it’s both. Essentially it’s a mixture of fear and anticipation. Whatever it is, I was struggling to get out of this rut of self-doubt, low confidence, and brain muttering.

And then, last night I watched Kipchoge: The Last Milestone.

It’s not often a movie clicks for me. This one did. Listening to Eliud Kipchoge talk about training, life, running, and hearing from others who know him, helped snap me out of my low-confidence mindset.

If you don’t know who Eliud Kipchoge is, here’s what you need to know – Eliud is the first person to run a marathon under 2 hours. He is the best marathoner of all-time. But he is more than his marathon results, he’s a good person – it’s hard to explain – just watch the movie or the live coverage from Vienna, or read some interviews with him.

Maybe these quotes from Eliud Kiphchoge will help me explain myself better:

“No human is limited.”

“If you want to break through, your mind should be able to control your body. Your mind should be a part of your fitness.“

“Mentality is where the success is.”

“I would like to tell every living soul in the world that anyone can do whatever they want, all they need is to believe and trust in themselves.”

“My secret? I run with my heart and my mind.”

So you get the idea. Anyway, watch the movie – you won’t regret it.

It’s funny as I sit here and think about the quotes I just posted here, I’m reminded of 2008, 2009, and 2010. Back then I was fully in on trying to achieve a big goal. A goal that many people told me was impossible.

But I believed in myself. I believed in my training. I trusted my coach. I had an amazing group of people who reminded me to trust the process and to keep digging hard. And it worked. I did it. It wasn’t easy. There were many tough days – but somehow I kept on going.

Looking back on this time now, I really think it came down to my mind. I believed. It’s funny though when I think back to this time, I do wish I could have had even more confidence and self-belief. I wonder what I could have done then?

A while ago I was luck to talk at the Bushtakah SWEET night. I talked about goals, controlling the controllables, support networks, and self-belief. I guess it’s time I reread my speech and listen to my own advice…

Reset button is pushed. I’m ready.