Sometimes it is hard to know how serious to be. I spent many years being serious. Really focusing on my cyclocross racing – I worked part-time, I worked hard to find sponsors, I structured my life around my training and racing, I stopped eating chocolate, and I simply pedaled my bike. I was serious. I had goals. I had expectations. I had self-imposed pressure. I had motivation.

Now, I’m in a new phase. I want to race my bike. I want to race my bike really well. But do I want to be as serious as I was? The question remains, can I achieve what I want with a bit more balance in my life?

I wrote recently about all the things I want to do this year. In short, this was a rather long and slightly unfocused list of stuff. No real tangible goals there. Just stuff that I want to do in 2013. Does not having goals mean I’m not serious?

Do you have to have goals to be serious? I don’t know. I don’t know where the lines of serious, focus, goals, and life balance all intersect.

Right now I’m feeling that without structure, I’m highly unfocused. I’m not being as rigorous as I normally am on my diet (so much Belgian chocolate in this house). I am riding four days a week but not with any structure – I’m just doing what I “think” makes sense right now (riding in a zone 1 wattage for an hour three times a week and for 90 minutes once a week). I’m getting out for 90 minute to two hour skate skis three times a week. Toss in power yoga twice a week and hot yoga once a week and I’m getting some strength building and bendiness in my body. Then there’s the snowshoe running which I’ve only done twice (but I’ll be out this Wednesday).

So, just like my list of stuff that I want to do in 2013, I’m currently doing a lot of stuff. Does this mean I’m focused? Does this mean I’m serious? I don’t know. I do know I’m having fun right now. I’m doing what I want when I want and I’m not tied to a structured training schedule.

But I think it’s time. I crave structure. I like “to do” lists. I like to have a work-out planned and written down on a piece of paper – this means I’ll do it.

But still what is serious? I’m curious to know what you think? I’m kind of worried that if I’m not serious this season I won’t do everything I want. But what if that seriousness takes away some of the fun? Are there levels of serious?

(And yes, I do have some goals. I’m just not ready to write them down yet. I guess this is because I don’t have the structure I “feel” I need to actually achieve these goals…)

Oh yes, my brain is a bit crazy these days. But I think in a good way. I’m in a good place – enjoying riding the trainer, having fun on my skis and snowshoes and enjoying my yoga practice. To top it off, I’m not obsessing about my weight (yes, I did this in the past…) – I’m feeling great about my healthy and strong body and enjoying this feeling.

So what do you think about this whole business of serious? Am I simply being too serious about being serious?

(On another note: huge shout out to Conor O’Brien, Evan McNeely, Wendy Simms, Gabby Day and Helen Wyman – all racing tomorrow in the World Cyclocross Championships in Louisville, Kentucky. I’ll be cheering and yelling at my laptop urging you on. Enjoy it. Soak it all in. Have fun.)

It is a big week for so many cyclo-cross racers. In fact for many this is the week they’ve been thinking about, dreaming about and training for – for quite some time. That’s right it is World Cyclocross Championships week. Yes week – the action kicks off on Tuesday Jan. 29 with the Masters World Cyclocross Championships and wraps up with the final races on Friday Feb. 1. Then the Elite World Cyclocross Championships start on Saturday Feb. 2 with the juniors and U23 categories and the elite women and men racing on Sunday Feb. 2.

A week when emotions will be at an all-time high. It is one of those times when you’re so excited to race but also a little bit freaked out about it all. After all this is the race you’ve been thinking about all season. To just be racing at World Cyclocross Championships is a thrill and then when you start thinking about a possible result or outcome – well things can get a little bit crazy.

It has been a while since I’ve raced at such a high-level of competition but I do know what it’s like to deal with the stress, anxiety, fear, self-doubt and overall “circus like” atmosphere of a World Cyclocross Championship…

In my opinion the best thing you can do is to do your “thing”. If you like to eat steak the night before the race do it – even if someone else is telling you to eat bowls of pasta. If you like to put embro on your feet do it – even if someone else thinks you’re crazy. If you like to run your tires at 18 PSI go for it – don’t change just because your buddy runs his tires at 23 PSI. If you have a warm-up that you’ve been using all season, stick with it – don’t make changes the week of, day before or day of.

Quite simply – stick with what got you to Louisville. Trust your instincts. And most of all soak it all up and enjoy every moment. There are no “shouldas”, “couldas” or “wouldas” – just go out and race.

You may never ever get this chance again so make the most of it. Have fun and remember that there are lots of people who wish they could be doing what you’re doing right now. However the race ends up, be proud of it – you trained hard, raced hard, made sacrifices – and you got to be out there having fun on your bike.

(Yes, I’m a little bit jealous of all you folks who are racing this week and weekend. I’ll be cheering for you.)

Something has happened to me that hasn’t happened before… I seem to have lost my motivation. I don’t know how this happened or how to get it back. I guess I need some goals. Something to aim for. So this is what I’ll work on this week.

I have lots of stuff I want to do:

• Rideau Lakes Cycle Tour
• Weekly Tuesday night trail runs with the XCZone gang
• A couple of long mountain bike enduro rides/races
• A road race or two
• Lots of long rides to Merrickville and other interesting little towns
• Spend lots of time on my new Opus Fhast 29er
• Race a solid cyclocross season – Eastern Ontario Series and some races New England
• Maybe the odd trail race

So yes, there is lots on that list. Some concrete and some not-so-concrete.

I guess I need to figure out how I’m going to do all this and to do it all well. I know I don’t want to suffer through two days of Rideau Lakes – so I need to get fit and strong for this. I know that two have fun running around in the Gatineau Park on Tuesday nights I need to do more running. I know that to endure four or six hour mountain bike rides/races I need to spend lots of time riding my 29er and honing my technical skills. I know that to race a solid cyclocross season I need to ride my ‘cross bike and work on the basic techniques and develop some sprinting/acceleration fitness.

All this means I need to get a training plan sorted. I know it is only mid-January but I don’t have a big base fitness cushion to rely on – last season was a bust thanks to that darn sickness. But this is behind me now and I’m ready to get back to where I was.

Hey – I think I just find my motivation again! Amazing what some thinking, planning and typing can do. Last season was a bummer but this season is going to be a good one. I’ll be out riding, running and smiling. Time to prove to myself that I’m a healthy person again – take that ulcerative colitis.

You know that feeling when you’re feeling good? You’re feeling so good that you feel as if you have limitless energy and could ride, ski, or run forever? Well, I’ve got that feeling these days. This is awesome (it has been a long time since I’ve had this) – but it is also not so awesome.

The thing is, sometimes I struggle with listening to my body. Particularly when I don’t have a “set” training plan. Right now I’m out there having fun doing whatever I want. This is great. But often this results in my riding the trainer for an hour before work and then going out for a ski later in the day or meeting up with XCZone crew for a snowshoe run. I can sustain this for a couple of days and then I crash. And I crash hard.

My body simply speaks up and says “hey – you don’t have the deep fitness base you used to have. You can’t do three things at your max everyday. Back off and relax a bit!”

So this is what I’m trying to do. Listen to my body and to that little voice in my head that says “take it easy. Enjoy what you’re doing.” I’m so programmed to be “training” for something. It’s strange to not have a training plan that I have to follow. Some of you would likely think that this is a good thing – that life is too short for training plans and structure. Some days I think this and other days I crave this rigour and structure.

I guess this new “phase” of my cycling life is all about learning how to find the balance. How to balance getting out and doing everything I want: skate skiing, snowshoe running, running, road cycling, mountain biking and cyclocross racing – with not burning myself out and actually building some fitness. I don’t want to be mediocre at everything – I want to get my cycling fitness back, use this fitness when I’m out running on the trails or snow and simply enjoy being outside.

It’s not easy to make this transition. I’ll keep chipping away at it day-by-day – finding the groove and balance that works for me. I suppose this all any of us can do.

(Yes a bit of a lame title, but it fits for today.)

So last week I wrote about how I didn’t go out snowshoeing with a local group – I wrote about how I was feeling nervous about my fitness and not being able to “keep up”. I beat myself up pretty darn good over this. Well then I went out to the snowshoe race at the ARK and had so much fun and the extra bonus was I talked to folks who go out to the weekly snowshoe runs – these people convinced me to come out.

On Wednesday, I did it. I went out to the snowshoe run organized by Dave McMahon and Lise Meloche. I was nervous. I didn’t know what to expect. But I was there and I was going to do it. Wow – I’m really glad I went out. I met a few new people. I ran. I played in the snow. I laughed. I panted. It was so much fun. It has been a very long time since I’ve run for close to 90 minutes but once I settled into a manageable pace I was just fine. I made the classic beginner mistake of going out a bit too fast but soon readjusted my pace. (The group stops to let everyone catch up and rest for a few minutes – so this really works for all abilities.)

There were people ahead of me. There were people behind me. I was never alone. There was constant chatter to keep things light and friendly. The sight of the bobbing headlamps weaving through the forest of the Gatineau Park was simply amazing. I have no idea where we went – I think it was a new “trail” – we ran through deep snow, we scrambled up super steep climbs, we leapt and slid down steep descents – it was fun and good for the soul.

At the end of the run I had a chance to talk with Lise a bit. Way back when, I took ski lessons from Lise and went out to the summer trail runs that Dave and Lise organise – Lise was asking where I’ve been for these past six years. I told her about my cyclocross racing, the ulcerative colitis, the fractured vertebrae, etc. I told her how I was just hoping to get “the most out of each day” and how being sick/injured has really reinforced to me how important it is to do “what you can when you can” – Lise has had her own battle with a very severe back injury so she and I were on the same page here. She said something that has stuck with me “just get out and enjoy the day. Do what you can and be happy that you can do it.”

I think this just might be my theme for 2013: do what I can and be grateful that I can do it. (Feel free to remind me of this theme when I start moaning on this website…)

(I’ll be out for the rest of the weekly snowshoe runs – if you’re thinking of coming out. To learn more about these runs, check out Natural Fitness Lab on Facebook and visit the Natural Fitness Lab website.)