If you know me – you know that I love bars. I like eating bars. I like making bars. I’ve tried a lot of bars – some are keepers and others unfortunately taste like cardboard or are so sticky I worry about the ingredients. Well, as you likely know, there is no reason to be concerned about taste, consistency or ingredients when it comes to Clif Bars. (Yes, I may be biased since I’m fortunate to be sponsored by Clif Bar – but since you know me, you’ll know that I’d eat Clif Bar nutrition even if I wasn’t sponsored by the company.)

But lets get to the real reason for this post: Gary’s Panforte Clif Bars. On Monday a box of these limited edition Clif Bars arrived in my mailbox. A very nice surprise and an even tastier surprise. I had no idea what to expect when I opened up the package – well, lets just say this bar is really really good. It is like no other bar I’ve ever had.

It is rich. It is sweet. It is fruity. It is light. It is has a great aroma. Gary’s Panforte instantly reminded me of my mom’s fruitcake and mincemeat tarts. Yes – this Clif Bar is like no other bar.

Really, I should just let Clif Bar tell you about this bar:

CLIF Bar, the original energy bar made with organic ingredients, was also born on a bike – in 1990 during a 175-mile ride in Northern California on which Gary Erickson had “the epiphany” that he could make a better tasting energy bar. Two years later the first CLIF Bars hit the market and Clif Bar & Company was off and running.

Made with organic ingredients, GARY’s PANFORTE is nutritious, delicious and convenient—good for you and for the planet. It’s a good source of protein and fiber, which help the body digest carbohydrates slowly to deliver sustained energy.

Definitely read the press release so you can read all about the Share Your Epiphany contest:

To add even more spice to its 20th anniversary, Clif Bar & Company also announced the “Share Your Epiphany” contest to celebrate the fans who have contributed so much to the company’s success. All fans are invited to share their own epiphanies, big and small, that have changed their lives for the better. Five grand prize winners will have $5,000 donated to a nonprofit of their choice by Clif Bar. In addition, all “Share Your Epiphany” contestants will be entered in a random drawing to become one of 20 winners of a month’s supply of CLIF Bars. “Share Your Epiphany” runs May 15 – June 11, 2012. Entries can be made online at www.clifbar.com/shareyourepiphany

Now, go online or get to your favorite Clif retailer (hint The Cyclery)

Thanks Clif Bar for the surprise box of bars and for the amazing support – I really do appreciate and I’m proud to be sponsored by a company that gives back to so many people.

Well, right now I really don’t have much to say when it comes to cycling, racing, training, planning for racing, etc. Currently my life revolves around trying to get better so I can back to cycling, racing, training, planning for racing, and having fun on two wheels.

I don’t want this to turn into an ulcerative colitis blog. This disease is something I have but it doesn’t define me. Yes, I’m very open about ulcerative colitis and what it is like to have this disease and I’m always willing to answer any questions others have about ulcerative colitis. (Yes, this is a hint that if you’re reading this and have ulcerative colitis or know someone who does and you have questions or simply want to rant, scream, shout or cry – I’m here and I’ll listen. Just email me.)

This is still a website devoted to cycling and all the bits of life in between. I haven’t ridden my bike(s) in one week now. I miss them. I did hop on my BMX bike the other day for a little cruise on my street – after a minute of standing up and working on carving – my legs were blown. This is what eight days without carbohydrates will do to you.

So if you’re a cyclist, runner or other person who thinks that a good way to cut down on weight and to lean out for the big races is to reduce your carb intake – take it from me – don’t do it. I’m eating only eggs, meat, pureed carrots and pureed squash – this gets pretty boring but worse than that it leaves me with no energy. Walking up a flight of stairs feels like a V02max workout. Seriously – you need carbs. Eat them. I have never been a huge pasta or rice eater but now that I haven’t had my trusty bowl of oats, fruit, super smoothies, brown rice, and Udi’s gluten-free bread – I really really miss them. Sure I miss peanut butter, chocolate and almond milk yogurt – but not as much as I miss those carbs.

Good news is I’m meeting with my doctor tomorrow and I’m looking forward to what he has to say about my treatment plan. And in two weeks I’m meeting with a nutritionist who has experience in both treating people with ulcerative colitis and athletes. So some good things happening.

Other than cooking copious amounts of meat and pureeing vegetables, I’m filling my time with some reading (currently reading Juliet, Naked by Nick Hornby), podcast listening (Velocast, NPR All Songs, CBC The Next Chapter, R3-30 Countdown, NPR Fresh Air – all on heavy rotation) and reading about what all of you are doing out there in bike riding two-wheeling land are doing.

Some days it is very hard to keep my spirits up. It is hard to not feel like everything has been taken away. It is easy to forget to see the good things. I was reminded of how lucky I am right now after chatting with a young guy named Brandon. This kid is a rock. Just diagnosed with ulcerative colitis at the age of 17 and a bike racer – he is now in hospital trying to get through his first ulcerative colitis flare. If there is anyone who needs and deserves your positive healing vibes it is this young guy. Me – I’m 40 years old and have been through this enough to know that the good days will come back. But a young 17 year old who has just graduated from high school and had planned on racing and riding his bike all summer – well, it is a lot harder to believe that there is light at the end of the tunnel. So do Brandon a big favour and think of him – send him a smile or do something nice for another young bike racer – everything comes around eventually.

Optimistic. This is how I’m feeling today. These last few weeks have been tough. But there is no point in dwelling on what I’ve missed out on and what I’m not going to be able to do. The only sensible and viable option for me is to look forward to the future.

The fact of the matter is I’m still quite sick. But I know in my deepest heart that I’m going to get better. That there are brighter days ahead.

Until now I’ve always relied on medicine to help heal my ulcerative colitis. Well, frankly, I’m running out of medical options. So now I’ve decided to try the Specific Carbohydrate Diet (SCD). I won’t go into the details of this diet but suffice it to say it is a way of eating that has helped many people who suffer from ulcerative colitis, Crohn’s Disease, and other auto-immune diseases heal and get back to the lives they had. This is a tough diet to follow – it starts with an elimination diet and then slowly but surely I can start adding in new foods. The one hook with SCD is that grains, starches and some legumes are not permitted (also no chocolate…).

I’ve set out some things that I’d like to do once I’m healthy again. I’m using these as my motivators to help me stick to this challenging way of eating.

I’m only looking forward. There are so many things in life that I want to do and I’m not going to let this speedbump slow me down or force me to lose sight of what really makes life so valuable.

(Looking forward to watching some good bike racing this weekend in the Mississippi Mills area – there is a stage race happening with the highlight being the elite men’s criterium at 7:20 on Saturday evening in Almonte.)

I’ve been getting lots of questions lately about ulcerative colitis so I thought it would be useful to write a bit about this disease. Please keep in mind that I’m not a doctor, this information is what I’ve read, been told and learned first-hand about ulcerative colitis.

• Ulcerative colitis is classified as an Inflammatory Bowel Disease. Crohn’s Disease is also an Inflammatory Bowel Disease. Inflammatory Bowel Disease is often called IBD. IBD and IBS are not the same thing.
• 1 in 160 Canadians have ulcerative colitis or Crohn’s Disease.
• Ulcerative colitis affects the large intestine – also called the bowel or the colon.
• There is no cure for ulcerative colitis.
• The symptoms of ulcerative colitis include: cramping, bloody diarrhea, mucus diarrhea, uncontrollable bowel movements (yes – this means not making it to the bathroom in time), swelling, joint pain, fatigue, anemia, dehydration, nausea, and fever.
• There is no known cause of ulcerative colitis. Doctors don’t know why some people are afflicted with this disease and others are not. Some speculate that there is a genetic connection. Others say it is stress related. Others say it is diet related. Others say it is environmental. No one knows. Because the cause cannot be found – the cure cannot be found.
• Ulcerative colitis is treated with drugs, diet changes, and ultimately the removal of the colon.
• People with ulcerative colitis will be in a periods of remission and flares. When in remission, there are no symptoms of ulcerative colitis – but ulcerative colitis is always lurking. When in a flare, the ulcerative colitis symptoms are present. A remission can last for one day or 15 years. A flare can last for one day or 15 years (though no doctor would allow a patient be in a flare for 15 years). In other words – it is hard to know what the disease will do – when it will show up and how long you’ll be in flare or remission.
• Many people make dietary changes to help alleviate their ulcerative colitis symptoms and the risk of flare. Some people remove gluten and dairy from their diets. Others follow the Specific Carbohydrate Diet. Others eat a low fiber/low residue diet. Others find that dietary changes don’t make a difference.
• When in a flare it is important to avoid foods high in fiber: raw vegetables, most fruit, beans and most grains. Sometimes these dietary changes help. Other times they don’t. Some days it seems like no food will stay in your body. Some people become “afraid” of food. Other times you feel like eating “bad” foods because it really doesn’t make a difference what you eat – it is going to come out.
• Often people with ulcerative colitis don’t look sick. Never say to someone with ulcerative colitis “but you don’t look sick”. On the inside, we are in extreme pain and our main focus is on identifying the nearest toilet. Some people with ulcerative colitis are very thin and others not so much – this depends on how you react to your medication, how swollen you get due to the inflammation and your overall body composition.
• At its worst, ulcerative colitis flares can force you to be admitted to the hospital. A hospital stay can range from three days to three months. It just depends on how you respond to treatment.
• If you know someone with ulcerative colitis and they abruptly walk away from your conversation, quickly stand up and leave a meeting, or suddenly pull over to the side of the road – this is because they have to. There is no time to wait.
• Flares can be different for every single person. For some people there is lots of bright red blood in the toilet. For others there is lots of muccus. For others there is a combination of both. Often people will have false urges.
• Ulcerative colitis can be an isolating disease. Many people are shy to discuss the disease because the symptoms are “embarrassing”. This can often result in people not telling their doctors that they are experiencing symptoms.

Well, that is my “brain dump” on ulcerative colitis. I have experienced all of the symptoms mentioned above. I have not made it to the bathroom in time. I have periods of overwhelming fatigue. Yes, I can still ride my bike to and from work. But I cannot push my body hard. It seems like my ulcerative colitis is brought on by the stress hard training places on my body. I try to avoid gluten and dairy at all times – but if you see me eating a cookie from Starbucks – don’t judge – I’m likely having a very rough day and just need to “feel normal”. I often carry a spare pair of pants with me when I’m in a flare – and yes, I’ve crapped myself – choose a place and it has happened. I don’t look sick. I’m tanned. I’m not super skinny. But I am sick. It is hard to not get depressed when in an ulcerative colitis flare. There are days when I just want my colon taken out (like now). Ulcerative colitis is a rotten disease.

To learn more about ulcerative colitis, visit the Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation of Canada website and the IHaveUC.com website (if you search for my name you’ll find lots of articles I’ve written about ulcerative colitis).

This is a struggle for me to write. In fact this is a struggle for me to think about. I’ve found the best way to cope over the last few days has been to push it to the back of my brain and ignore it. But I can’t hide from this from much longer.

I’m sick again. I’m in an ulcerative colitis flare. It has been getting worse. My energy levels are dropping off. I’m tired. I don’t feel well.

I’ve stopped training. I don’t know if I’ll race again.

I’m riding my bike to and from work when I feel energized enough for the 22 km trip each way. I’m getting out on my BMX bike when I can (it makes me tired but it does put a smile on my face).

I really don’t know what to say. I feel sad.