A day in Surhuisterveen, the Netherlands has sealed the deal. Yes, I miss racing. Yes, I’ll be racing here again next season.

As I stood in the pit and watched Marc plow by slogging through the mud, all I could think was “Wow – that looks so awesome. I wish I could do the race.” Then while watching the women’s race I was filled with even more feelings of envy and jealousy – I wanted to be out there running through heavy black mud and getting my skinsuit nicely muddy.

I realized how much I missed racing when I found myself standing out in the pouring rain wishing I could be racing instead of standing there on the sidelines cheering.

So, I would say the trip to Surhuisterveen was a good one. I got to watch Marc race. I got to cheer on my friends. I got to meet Reza (hi – Reza). I ran into my old friend Harrie. We had a pleasant afternoon in Arnhem. I realized that I’m not ready to stop racing. I will be racing in Surhuisterveen next year.

(On a side note – I rode my bike outside today! I did 45 minutes of easy spinning with Marc supervising my every move. So far so good – my back feels good. Crossing my fingers that my back still feels the same tomorrow.)

This is going to be a mixed-bag blog post (just warning you now)… It is challenging to maintain a cyclocross-related blog during cyclocross season when I’m injured and can’t race. And I don’t know about you but I’m kind of tired of introspection and mumbling about racing and what I will or will not do… So in a departure from the trends of late, I’ve decided to tell you about a few things that I’m digging (yes, very much an ’80s term but I can’t help this) – so hold on, buckle in and prepare to be wowed (okay maybe not that dramatic but a girl can dream)….

Adele: oh wow – this singer is just so darn awesome. I’ve always been an Adele fan but last night sealed the deal. Watching the DVD of Adele’s concert at Royal Albert Hall has got me fully hooked. That was a performance. It was so very emotional and incredible. Yes, perhaps a bit superfluous but I’m not exaggerating. If you’re having one of those days, I highly recommend plopping down on the couch with a warm mug of something delicious and watching Adele do what she does best. She had myself, Nikoline and Sarah speechless last night – and that is saying a lot!

Converse: a couple of weeks ago I picked up a very sweet pair of Converse sneakers. These sneakers are white leather with a purple insert and they have purple laces. They are hot. So very hot. I love them. Problem is that I can’t wear them right now – I want to keep them clean and the muck and wet of Belgium won’t help in these efforts. So my white hot Converse sneakers sit and wait for the dry and dusty days ahead. I first worse Converse sneakers when I was a teenager in grade nine – I had pink ones with orange laces (yes, always a fashion maven) and they were so very cool. These new sneakers make me feel like that grade niner all over again – on the edge of something big but not really sure what it will be.

Kombucha: I’m full-on addicted to this strong and powerful nectar. Kombucha is made from fermenting a yeast and bacterial culture and from this a wonderful drink is brewed. Admittedly this doesn’t sound that appetizing, but trust me, one sip of the powerful Kombucha and your tastebuds and digestive system will be thanking you. Since being here in Belgium I’ve become hooked on Kombucha that is brewed/fermented a mere 20 km from here – yes local and completely natural Kombucha. There is no sugar or extra flavour added to this drink – straight up Kombucha power. I’m wondering how I can bring a few big bottles of it home with me…

The Killing: I’m spending a lot of time on the trainer these days and I need to stay occupied and thanks to Marc, I’ve become a fan of the television program The Killing. This is a murder/cop/detective show but it is so much better than the standard stuff found on American and Canadian television channels. This show is good – really good. So good that I don’t even notice the time ticking by as I’m pedalling towards my future.

Belgian Chopped Veggies: we live next door to a small grocery store and this grocery store sells these wonderful bags of freshly chopped, sliced, and diced vegetables. Think a mix of leeks, onion, celery, carrots, and a bunch of other vegetables all freshly chopped up in the perfect size to be added to eggs, stir-frys, soups, stews and pretty much anything else. So very tasty and so very good for us. I can’t get enough of these veggies – the pre-packed salads in a bag aren’t even close to this bag of nourishment. Seriously good.

Alpro Soya Yogurt: sadly my guts don’t tolerate dairy anymore. This has been very hard to get used to. I love cottage cheese and yogurt – but was forced to give up both. I’ve tried soy yogurt at home but it tastes like dirt. So I really did go out on a limb when I picked up a six-pack of Alpro Soya plain yogurt a couple of weeks ago. Oh what a smart move this was – this yogurt is so darn smooth and thick. And best of all – it doesn’t taste like dirt. Nope, tastes like the real thing – it doesn’t have the tang of high-quality plain yogurt but it comes fairly close. It is particularly good with a chopped apple, a handful of raisins, some unsalted peanuts and chia seeds. I’m crossing my fingers that I can find this in Ottawa…

Yoga Journal: it seems that whenever I come to Belgium I bring the most recent issue of Yoga Journal with me. I don’t read this magazine at home, but here in Belgium it just feels right. I guess because I’m always looking for ways to escape the constant bike racing thought cycle that happens when living with a bunch of bike racers. Well in recent weeks, I’ve become really into good ‘ol Yoga Journal, I’m guessing this partly has to do with not being able to do yoga right now – instead I’m reading about it, thinking about what it means to me and looking forward to getting back to MountainGoat Yoga for some hot power yoga.

Leuven: this city is one my faves in Belgium. When I first came to Belgium in 2007, Marc and I hit up this nearby city one afternoon and I was hooked. I discovered the Punto Cafe, the old town, the International Magazine Store and the charm of this university city. I’ve been to Antwerp and Brussels – I’ll take Leuven any day. Last week we visited the Leuven KerstMarkt – this was a lot of fun and really was a great way to chill out in the city. I haven’t got much time left here in Belgium and I’ve been thinking about visiting Antwerp again but I’m really leaning towards Leuven – this little city has stolen my heart. Besides, I need to hit up the Punto Cafe for a tasty soy latte and sumptuous chocolate brownie…

So there you have it, some things that I’m digging these days. It goes without saying that I’m really really digging all the great products that my sponsors have provided me with (but I thought you’d like a glimpse of my off-the-bike favourites). Well, really I do have to say my Lolë clothes have been a lifesaver here in Belgium – I’m looking sharp and staying warm thanks to this Canadian clothing company. And I’m definitely able to stay on my gluten-free/dairy-free diet when on on the move thanks to Clif Bar. (Sorry can’t help it – looking good and having a full tummy are critical to me…)

Alright, I’m off. I’ve got some virtual pavement pounding to do… Yes, looking for some new writing work – I’m open to pretty much anything and I can tell you now that there are two locations that I’m very interested in: Ottawa and Belgium…

HI – remember me? Sorry for the lack of posts in this space… Guess it is kind of hard to think of what to write about when I’m not racing during race season.

I’m still riding the trainer and have progressed to riding for an hour now. My back feels good while riding and after the rides. I’m doing some “big ring” riding now and will start paying some attention to my wattage tomorrow.

You might be able to tell that I’m just not feeling jazzed right now. I’m very happy to be able to ride the trainer. I’m relieved that my body is healing well. But I just feel a little bit lost.

Not sure what to do next season. Some days I want to race and go for it. Other days I wonder if it might be time to hang up the skinsut and shift gears a bit. Or maybe it is time to get back into some road racing and get out on my mountain bike for some fun?

And yes, I know I just wrote a post earlier in the week about how much I miss racing and can’t wait to get back to it. But honestly, I just don’t know. The thing is, I love riding my bike – but do I or can I still race? What is going to happen the first time I have to ride my bike down a steep descent?

Bike racers race. But when do bike racers know it is time to stop? With time on my hands, my brain has a chance to wander and waffle…

All this being said, the time here in Belgium is going well. Marc and I are able to get out and do some fun stuff. Last night we went to Leuven and visited the Kersmarkt. We’re off to Holland next week for a mid-week race and will likely do a bit of sightseeing as well. Life is good here in Belgium and I know how lucky I am to be living here and taking it all in. In between I’m doing some writing work and sending out my resume/writing samples to any and all interested parties (hint – are you looking for a writer?).

So this is where I’m at. A funny place to be. Still a very fortunate place to be. I think the best thing to do is to “forget” about racing for a little while. Focus on getting healed and then go from there.

It is hard to know when it is time to stop racing. For some it is a change in life circumstances (job, family, age). For others it is an injury or illness. For others still it is a feeling of “being done”. I think for a bike racer, this is one of the hardest decisions to be made.

I’ll be honest, I’ve been grappling with these thoughts lately… My recent crash combined with feeling a bit “old” and thinking it might be time to get back to full-time work – has all contributed to these thoughts. As you can imagine, this makes for some challenging times!

I’ve had a lot of talk about this with Marc, Nikoline and others. What I’ve learned is that no one can make this decision for me – this one has to be all about me. So I thought and wanted to believe that I was done with racing my bike… And then I watched a few races on television – all it took was watching Scheldecross and Overijse on the weekend and watching some race clips last night with Sarah and I was convinced.

I miss bike racing. I really wish I could have raced this past weekend on two very awesome courses. (I raced Overijse in 2007 – it was my first UCI race in Belgium.) I missed seeing my racing pals and being part of the pre-race, race and post-race action. I felt jealous of my friends’ race experiences.

I’m not done. I’ve got more races in me. I want to have that season that I was ready to have this year. I want to do all the races I had planned on racing this year. I want to conquer my fears of the “Zolder descent”. I want to race on courses I’ve never been able to race on before.

So after much thinking, analyzing, talking and processing – I’ve decided that I’m not done. I love racing my bike. I’m pretty confident I’ve got more watts in my legs, more confidence in my heart, and a desire to get all I can from this cyclocross racing life.

So where does this leave me in the middle of December as I sit here injured and watching the 2011-2012 cyclocross season slip away? Well, I’m taking this time as my “off-season” – now is the time that I’m recharging my batteries, letting my body heal, giving my brain a break from constant thoughts of racing, training, recovery and technical skills practice, I’m being a bit more relaxed with my nutrition – and just generally taking this time for what it is. This way I’ll be all ready to go in January when I get the final okay to start training again – I guess in the end I’m pretty darn lucky to be able to go through this…