I meant to write this post yesterday but the day literally ran away from me. It has been an action-packed two days with Marc arriving on Tuesday and Sarah and Dan arriving on Wednesday. So, Wednesday was also a big day in one other regard – I had my appointment with the orthopedist surgeon…

Good news – I can start doing light rides on the trainer. I can ride for up to 45 minutes at a very easy pace and cadence. I’m not really training yet. Simply just riding. The doctor was impressed that I’m experiencing little to no pain (most days I have zero back pain). He explained the injury to me in further detail and really it is the muscle that attaches to the L3 that is causing the pain to occur.

The other thing the doctor told me is that I simply need to listen to my body. Easier said than done of course… But I understand that any signs of pain are not good – he said the moment I feel pain I need to stop riding because this is a sign that I’m not ready. I’ve promised Marc, coach Steve and Nikoline that I’ll be honest with myself and listen to my body.

In two weeks I’m allowed to try some riding outside and even do some mounts and dismounts… It will about another six weeks before I can start running again. And likely 10 weeks until I can get back into yoga and deep stretching. But this is all progress.

The one thing this does not mean is that I can start racing again this season. The doctor stressed that I cannot risk a fall. A fall would be very bad news. So the season is still over but at least I can do something now!

When I got back from the doctor yesterday and told Marc and Nikoline my good news, Marc asked “so why are you crying?”. My response, “because I’m so happy that I can ride again”. Perspective is huge – I’ll be riding the trainer indoors at a very easy pace while my friends are riding outside and getting to race – but at this point I’ll take it!

I love riding my bike. If it was up to me I’d go for long, hard, steady rides each and every day… I like riding alone. I like riding with a good group of people. I like lining up and racing. But right now I can’t do any of this.

I’ve been thinking a lot about racing and what my feelings are on it. A crash like the one I had really does put things in perspective. But I’ve realized after this past weekend that I’m still a racer. When I was out at Averbode, I walked the course and discussed it with Ignace. He pointed out how to ride certain sections and we talked about some good drills that could be done at the Averbode course.

This weekend is a big double race weekend here with Scheldecross and Overijse – two very awesome races. Overijse was the first elite women’s race I ever did and I’ve raced Scheldecross four times. These two races are classic courses and really are something else.

Initially I thought I’d be okay not racing these races… But, I want to race them. I wish I could race them. I love racing my bike. It is fun and it is a challenge. Next year, I’ll be back racing again.

Until then, I’ll live vicariously through Marc, Nikoline, and the rest of my cyclocross racing pals who are doing it here in Belgium.

Today was full of cyclocrosss… I didn’t get to race but I did go out to the race. Today there was lots of racing action in Averbode (just down the road from us). I went out to cheer on friends of ours that we’ve met over the years of racing. It was interesting to be on the other side of the fence. The course at Averbode was really good – lots of twists and turns, climbs, sand, a bit of road – a good mix.

I hung out with Ignace and we watched the racing and cheered on René and Danielle. It also gave me a chance to catch up with some of the women I race with as well. Actually it was an excellent few hours out.

This afternoon we had Ignace and Bjorn over to watch the Igorre World Cup on television – nice to hang out, chat and watch the racing. After a bit of chilling it out we were off to the Mie Maan for some food. Here we met up with Jos and Keirnan – so we had a good mix for supper. Lots of good stories and some laughs.

All in all, a good day. I also got out for an hour long walk in the woods. I’m not a huge fan of walking but it is better than doing nothing. Walking in the woods can be an interesting experience. Lots of people are usually out and today amongst the runners, dog walkers and cyclists I saw some folks giving their horses a workout:

Exciting news is that Marc is arriving on Tuesday!!!

It has been one week since my injury. Physically I’m feeling much better. In fact I really have very little pain – I do have my “electric” leg (get lots of nerve activity in my leg so it is full of pins and needles). It might sound strange but I actually have to remind myself that I’m injured – I honestly feel like I could get on my bike today.

I think this is what is making this really hard. I feel great really and I know that I’m pretty darn strong right now as well.

I’m trying to be positive about this and last week I had some glimpses of feeling good mentally – but this is a bumpy road. I know that you’re not visiting this website to read “woe is me” stories – so I apologize for this.

On the really bright side – Marc is arriving next Tuesday! This will be great – I’m looking forward to going to his races and just generally having him around. It will be very nice to spend Christmas together here in Belgium. I’ve also changed my return flight so instead of flying home on Feb. 6, I’ll be flying home with Marc on Dec. 29. Strange to realize that it will be first time spending January in Ottawa in five years!

Well, whatever you’re doing – I hope you’re making the most of it. If you’re out riding – do some efforts for me – I’ll be cheering you on!

(Thanks for putting up with my whining…)

I’m ever so slowly and surely really beginning to see the brightside again. I’ve had countless people including doctors, physiotherapists, massage therapists, and others tell me how very lucky I am. Couple with the research I’ve been doing, I’ve realized that yes – I’m very fortunate to be up and walking around.

There is still some lingering anger and frustration but with each day this is slipping to the wayside. What is frustrating right now is that I can’t do anything. Seriously – nothing. No stretching. No daily yoga. Gone are my a.m. and p.m sit-ups and pushups. No bike riding – not even the trainer. I can walk – but not for long and not at a rapid rate. With other injuries I’ve had, I’ve always been able to do something else to keep my body feeling alive and electric.

These last few days have reinforced that I will definitely not ever be a sedentary person. I need to feel my body move. I crave the rush from a good long bike ride, a steady run, a solid session in the weight room, a sweaty hot yoga class, and even a cold but invigorating cross-country ski.

So what do I do now? Well, I can walk. So tomorrow I’ll start with some measured and careful steps around Blauberg. Gradually I can increase my time and distance – at the very least I’ll be outside soaking in the sun and moving. Since I’m going home early (end of December), it will be an opportunity for me to make use of the winter wonderland that we have in Ottawa. (Remember that skiing thing I gave up – well if I get the go ahead I’ll be strapping on the skis this winter…)

Also to keep myself busy, I’ve got a few writing clients – so this helps – to give me some cash and to keep my brain active. (I’m always looking for new clients/contracts so don’t hesitate to contact me…)

So this is where I’m at. Still a tad frustrated. I think now I’m more onto disappointment – I’m trying not to think about could have and might have been. I’m lucky to have had this season considering how sick I was last year. Perspective is powerful but admittedly sometimes it would be nice to be a bit more naive when it comes to the bad luck and setback department.

But for any athlete or person really going for it, there will be missteps, setbacks, disappointments and challenges – I’m no different. I’m confident that good things are in my future.