For some of you the title of this post might bring to mind ice cream (it kind of did for me as well)… Believe me, I’d rather be writing about ice cream and the enjoyment of said deliciousness – but I’m not. Instead, I’m just dropping in for a quick update on why I’ve been so quiet lately.

Remember four weeks or so ago when I was out doing everything? Trail running, road riding, mountain biking, yogaing – generally doing stuff and having a blast while doing it… well, things have changed a bit.

Funny thing this ulcerative colitis. One day you can be out trail running in the morning, mountain biking in the afternoon and eating good food in the evening  Then the next day – well you’re not doing any of these things.  Instead you’re thinking about toilet paper, low-residue diets, and calling your doctor. Yes, this is what has happened to me.

A couple days after I had that super fun time doing the Mad Trapper race at Camp Fortune, my body rebelled. I have no idea why or what caused it. And no, it wasn’t the run at Camp Fortune. Likely it was a result of my tapering off of prednisone – this has happened to me before during a steroid taper.

And now here I am. Some days I’ve got lots of energy so I can go out for a run or a long road ride and then there are days like yesterday and today when all I want to do is sleep. This is all very frustrating but I keep reminding myself that it could be so much worse. I’m still able to get out do the things I enjoy (just not at the same frequency or intensity and I’m not in the hospital) – so there is no point in being down about this.

So, ya,  a bit of rocky road but in no means is this a horrible terrible thing. It just is. I know that I will get better- I don’t know when or how – but I know I will.

Hmm, what else is happening? Well cyclo-cross season is almost here. Make sure you get down to The Cyclery on Friday night and register.

Okay, really that is about it for today. (I did buy a TRX and I’ll let you know how working out with this goes. Hoping to see the return of my pals Thunder and Lightening in the near future…)

This has been a hard week for many of us in the Ottawa (and beyond) cycling community. We lost a very good friend. A lady who had a tremendous smile, a zest for life and adventure and who was always ready for a new challenge. She inspired so many of us without realizing it.

I’ve gone through a roller coaster of emotions since Saturday – it is so damn hard to understand why this happened. I suppose we can’t understand, all we can do is speak up when we’re hurting and tell our friends and family that we need help.

A colleague of mine sent me this today:

Thinking of you.

There are folks out there who fully subscribe to pushing themselves, exploring new limits, testing out the unknown and who say “yes” when someone says – “hey, we should do that thing we’ve never done before – it will be fun”.

These are the folks who inspire me. These are the people who I like to be around.

On Saturday morning, I got to do just this. In a moment of crazed madness, I signed up for the 11km Salomon Mad Trapper Xczone Peaks Challenge. After registering, the Facebook page for Natural Fitness Lab was packed with course profiles, comments about how tough the 11km course is and how you had to be “mad” to do it.  I decided to ignore these Internet rumours and reminded myself that it was a mere 11km and that I had run the same distance just a week prior…

Uhm, well it turns out that some things you read on the Internet are true…

In a word: epic. In another word: fun. In a few more words: sign me up for next year.

At times I couldn’t believe we were expected to run over some of the terrain we found ourselves facing. At other points during this 11km adventure, I was feeling the trail running groove and if you were running near me, you might have heard me say “that’s it, you’re doing awesome”. (Yes, I talk to myself while running and riding – I encourage myself and pretend there are fans cheering me on…) There was one moment when I said out loud “you’re kidding me” – this was when I faced a long run up the mountain to the second aid station. I walked it.

In fact there was a lot of running, hiking, walking, heaving, pulling and huffing happening on Saturday morning at Camp Fortune. But it was so worth it and so much fun.

I came in last. And I’m totally okay with this. I had no idea what to expect. I just wanted to get out and run on a marked course and finish smiling – both goals achieved. Along the way, I got to hang out with my pals, meet some new people, cheer on my friends out on the course, and test myself.

There were some pretty darn fast times laid down on Saturday morning at Camp Fortune, but I think what was even better was that no one really cared where you finished or what your time was – it was more about being outside on a Saturday morning running around in the woods.

Thanks to Mike Caldwell of Mad Trapper and Dave McMahon of XCZone for plotting the course, organizing the race and getting us all out there. I’m stoked to get back out on the trails to work on my descending skills (pick up your feet, look ahead, relax your body, don’t stick your elbows out) – yes I told myself all these things while dodging roots, rocks and crazy downhill mountain biking obstacles. If you’re looking for a new challenge or are looking for a goal to train towards – check out the Mad Trapper Trail Run Series – chances are very high you’ll meet some cool people, learn a few things about yourself, and come away with a snazzy draw prize post-race.

I realized earlier this week that my life was very different just one year ago. One year ago I was in the hospital eating jello.

(I struggle to write about what last summer was like – I guess it was a harder time than I realized. Hard for me and equally hard for Marc and my family.)

Today, I’m doing great. The early spring and summer were rough again with another ulcerative colitis flare – but this is behind me now. I’m feeling better than I ever have.

The cumulative experiences I’ve had since I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis in 2009 have gifted me with something  very powerful – perspective. I have learned the hard way not to take anything for granted – health, long life, bike rides, good meals, sitting in a coffee shop, going to work, etc. In an instant your life can change and the parts of it which you took for granted, all of a sudden seem much more vital than you realized.

Last summer I was in a hospital bed for 12 days and for the first week I really didn’t want to look out the window. I didn’t want to see the blue sky. I didn’t want to think about my friends out riding their bikes. I didn’t want to know what I was missing. This is not the best way to cope with a challenging situation – denial never works.

On one of his daily visits, Marc came into my room and insisted on pulling back the curtain and made me look out the window. He saw what was happening – I was losing hope. I was trying very hard to parcel away the things that I loved and was becoming resigned to never getting back to living my life. This guy of mine just wouldn’t put up with my attempts to lie around in that damn hospital bed.

On days when I’m not really feeling like riding, running or getting out of the house to do a bunch of errands – I think of those 12 days in August. My arms bruised and battered from the I.V., the damn jello I couldn’t even digest, the feeling of hopelessness, and the sadness that I felt. These memories are powerful motivators to get me out and doing – reminding me that you just never really know what is going to happen.

These days I’m trying to squeeze as much in as possible – I’m following my whims and focusing on “just doing”. I’m riding my bike with friends – not stressing over wattage and training plans. I’m going out for awesome trail runs with friends and an awesome community of like-minded people. I’m thinking ahead to the winter of skiing and snowshoeing. I’m reading more books and taking time to sit and take it all in. I’m trying to be a more patient and understanding person. I’m living life and not letting it get away from me.

I don’t ever want to eat another bowl of jello again. But if I have to, I’ll have this summer to remind me of how good life really can be. I’m building memories  now that will get me through the next rough patch.

Today I’ll celebrate “the difference a year makes” with good food, a solid day of work at the office, a nice trail run at Kanata Lakes, and a relaxing evening at home with my favourite guy and our fat grey cat. I hope you make the most of today. Store up some memories – you never know when you’ll need them.

Admittedly things have been rather quiet here lately. I guess I’m trying to figure out what to do with this space. This little spot on the WWW started as a way for me to share my cyclo-cross racing, training and associated adventures with you. But now what?

I don’t know. I guess this is all part of the grander transition that is happening right now. I’m still a cyclist and I still plan to race cyclo-cross but am I still a bike racer? Not sure.

This summer has turned into a good one and I’ve been gifted the chance to just have fun and do what I want when I want. No formal training plans. No planned out race schedule. Instead I can get up and choose to ride any of my bikes, go for a run, do some yoga, or simply chill out with a book. This is new to me.

For so long I’ve been focused on training goals and a training schedule and if I wasn’t it likely meant I was sick…

So now I’m healthy and feeling fantastic. In fact I haven’t felt this great in years. I’m having fun riding my road bike, messing around on my mountain bike, trail running with a great group of people and oddly enough I’m looking forward to ski season. I guess this is what active and fit people do – their lives aren’t constrained by training plans and schedules – rather they ride, run, ski, swim, snowshoe, chillax when and how they want.

Admittedly this is not an easy transition and I can’t just flip a switch to a relaxo mode at all times. I find myself still riding with focus on wattage and throwing in a few little efforts here and there. When I’m running I’m trying to get faster and to improve my trail running skills (I’ve even signed up for a 15km trail run at the end of the month).

The key focus for me right now is to stay healthy and to keep enjoying what I’m doing. Maybe one day I’ll get back to some focused training and set some racing or training-related goals. But for now, I’ll just keep things “light” and ride or run for the pure joy of it all.