Sigh. Yes, I just let a big fat sigh. This is not a blog post that is easy to write. I guess because I’m so darned frustrated right now. It feels like for every pedal stroke I take forward, I’m forced to take two backwards. If you’ve been reading this site regularly you know that I’ve been having my fair share of health battles. Well, it felt like I’d turned a corner – my energy levels were coming back, my ulcerative colitis had settled down, and I was starting to feel good again. My rides were getting longer and the quality was getting higher and higher.

And then this past week, the man with the hammer arrived. Fatigue. Overwhelming fatigue. Fatigue that makes 120 watts feel like an all-out sprint. In my typical fashion, I tried to ignore this fatigue – assuming it was just a result of a hard ride I had done earlier. Then when Mr. Fatigue kept on hanging around, I got a bit crazy in the head – thought the problem was obviously me and that it was time to think about what I’m doing and aiming for. (Luckily Marc and my coach (Steve Weller) talked some sense into me.)

After a couple of blood tests and some discussions with my doctor – it turns out the medicine (Imuran) that really has been keeping me “healthy” has been making me very sick. Without going into the crazy details – I have anemia again and my white blood cell count has gotten dangerously low. All because of the medicine – we knew this was a potential side effect but up until four weeks ago things were looking good, my doctor reduced my dosage and assumed things would level out. Nope, my numbers have continued to drop. So, I’m off the Imuran now.

I’m really kind of in limbo. I haven’t ridden since Tuesday. Yes, my brand new bike (Stevens SLR Aero) – thanks to Vince at The Cyclery is just sitting there in my garage begging to be ridden. I’ve been told to rest. But for how long? I’m not good at resting. I hate resting. I’m an athlete – I need to feel my body move and to hear my muscles screaming out for me to pedal harder and to go faster. But I can’t.

Rationally I know that rest makes sense. But it is June. The sun is shining the days are warm and long. Cyclo-cross season starts in 14 weeks. And I’m not riding. I’m sitting and hoping and waiting. Everyone says that health is number one. Yes, I know this, but it is still darn hard. I’d give anything right now to get out on my bike and do a long hard ride with lots of intervals, hard climbs and then battle a headwind all the way home – it sure beats sitting.

But all I can do is look down the road. If I want to be racing in Plzen and Tabor in October, I have to rest now. If I want to race in Niel, Namur, Zolder, Overijse, Hasselt, Koksijde, and the World Championships – I have to rest.

So if you can do one thing for me – go out for a ride today. I don’t care if it is pouring down rain and the wind is fierce – get out and ride. Enjoy your bike and relish in the fact that you can get out and do it. Because once this joy is taken from you, it is darn hard.

Yes, okay this is a bit of a corny title but I think it is appropriate. After all it is with thanks to the bike that I and many of you have got to experience some of the best things in life: travel, camaraderie, achievement, relaxation, and the thrill of balancing on a two-wheeler.

Really on a perfectly sunny day there is nothing better than being out on a bike. It doesn’t really matter if you’re kitted up in spandex and looking at you power meter or if you’re out on your commuter-type bike with family and kids in tow enjoying a relaxing pedal down the bicycle path. However it happens, the bike really is a ticket to freedom.

Thanks to the bike I’ve been all over the world. Thanks to the bike I’ve been able to find a level of personal achievement and that extra ounce of determination needed to keep on pushing. Thanks to the bike I’ve been able to quiet my brain and just get lost in the thrill of life. Thanks to the bike I’ve met some fabulous people and forged some deep friendships.

So, yes, it really is all about biking bliss. There is nothing quite like getting out on the bike and seeing where it will take me. Similar to how authors talk about not knowing what their characters will do or say next, I feel the same about my bike. Some days I really don’t know where we’ll be going, but wherever it is, there is a reason for it.

Even though I know how important rest and recovery is in developing and maintaining fitness, it is the one aspect of my training that I struggle with. I like to keep on going and going and going. I like to imagine that the dead leg feeling I have will go away and the over all body fatigue is nothing to worry or bother with. Luckily for me, I have a coach who knows this and makes sure I take some serious rest days during my training blocks.

As luck would have it, this past Monday marked the first day of a four day rest period. In typical fashion, I didn’t really “think” I needed to rest… So even though the calendar said Day Off Bike – I went for a ride. Just a little teeny tiny short one with Marc – it is not often we get to ride together so I was eager to go. We rode for a mere 35 minutes at a very pedestrian pace. But let me tell you, that pace felt like I was racing again. Yep – turns out I was tired and needed a break.

And today was the last of my four day rest and recovery block. These past three days of riding have been super easy chilled out rides of nothing more than 90 minutes. Kind of nice actually. Lots of time in the small ring. I found myself taking in my surroundings a lot more on these rides and really paying attention to how my body was feeling.

What I find interesting is I get in the same mindset each time I have a few days of rest scheduled. Initially I don’t believe I need them and then by the end of the cycle, I’m really enjoying these rest days. Funny how this is.

But I do admit, as much as I enjoy the super easy days, I crave the long days in the saddle. I think one of my favorite types of rides is a three or four hour ride with some intervals thrown in. Of course, I’d gladly trade any ride for a cyclo-cross ride at Averbode forest, Kasterlee, or at my local training grounds in Ottawa. Can’t really beat getting out on the ‘cross bike for a few hours and playing around in the trees, mud and sand.

Tomorrow I’ll be out for a longer ride with some tempo intervals thrown in to shake out the legs – all the while thinking of the upcoming cyclo-cross season and racing my bike for 40 minutes.

For a lot of you reading this site, I’m guessing that you’re in the midst of a racing season right now. Maybe it is road. Maybe it is mountain biking. Or a mix of the two. Whatever it is, this is the time that we bike racers live for. The sensations from training are never quite as rewarding as those we get from racing. We do the intervals and long hard rides so that when we line up we have the fitness and confidence to push ourselves that little bit deeper and harder.

We set goals. We do our best. And hopefully our goals are achieved. If they are – great. If not – well the big thing that separates bike racers is determining what to do when goals aren’t met. Some people will reassess and set new goals. Others will look at their training and recovery and see if they need to make some adjustments. Others will ignore the missed goal and pretend that they are okay (mentally and physically). Others will realize the difference between performance and outcome. The thing about goals is that they are just that – goals. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Over the weekend the best mountain bikers in the world met up in England to race the Dalby Forest World Cup. Young Evan McNeely was there to race his first U23 World Cup in his Team Canada skinsuit. Evan had a good hard race and an excellent result. After the race, he had an interview with Canadian Cyclist website. I really urge you to watch/listen to Evan’s interview. He drops some deep words of wisdom about goals and racing.

Today is World IBD Day. In other words it is is World Inflammatory Bowel Disease Day. A day to try and raise awareness of the prevelance of Crohn’s and ulcerative colitis. Also an opportunity for people living with these diseases to talk openly about life with Crohn’s or ulcerative colitis. And even more importantly it is a chance for family members and friends of those with these diseases to talk about how they are impacted by having a loved one dealing with these diseases.

Every single of one of you knows someone who has Crohn’s or ulcerative colitis (yes – me). But I’m guessing you know someone else who has one of these diseases. The incidences of Crohn’s and ulcerative colitis are on the rise in the developed world. One statistic says that 1 in 160 Canadians has ulcerative colitis.

There is no known cause for Crohn’s and ulcerative colitis. There is no known cure for Crohn’s or ulcerative colitis. Some people are on drugs for the rest of their lives. Some people have their colon removed. Some people have their intenstines re-sectioned. Most people suffer from flares, the uncertainty of remission and the side effects from the medication. Some people have used a diet such as the Specific Carbohydrate Diet (SCD) to put an end to their flares and symptoms. Some people try a vegan diet. Some people remove gluten and dairy from their diet.

Two years ago I would never have believed that I’d be writing about World IBD Day or ulcerative colitis. But I am. I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis two years ago. This was a massive shock to my system. After all, I live a very active and healthy lifestyle: very healthy diet, very active, don’t drink or smoke, etc. But still, I ended up with ulcerative colitis. Ulcerative colitis and Crohn’s disease are auto-immune diseases – in other words – our bodies are attacking themselves. For some reason my body chose to attack my colon.

Life has had its many ups and downs in these past two years. There have been days when I really couldn’t get out of bed because I was so sick. There were days when I’ve felt so healthy and strong that I didn’t believe I was sick.

And today? Well today I am in a remission – thanks to some very powerful drugs (Imuran and Asacol). My body is in a remission but somedays my brain feels like it is still in a flare. It is challenging psychologically to deal with the uncertainty, impacts, and fear of having a disease like ulcerative colitis. I’m also extremely aware of how hard this disease is on Marc. Every pain, loss of hair, chill, dash to the bathroom, and moment of uncertainty is felt by Marc. Sometimes I think the psychological impacts of this disease are worse than the physical.

I’ve tried to tell myself that I’m a healthy person. But this isn’t quite right. I’m a healthy sick person. I’m getting the most out of my body and life, while dealing with ulcerative coltis. Just like any other person – I’m getting the most out of life.

So today, on World IBD Day, take the time for an attitude of grattitude. Appreciate your healthy body and the gifts you have in life. Maybe you are dealing with somehting as well – well just make today the best day you can. This is all any of us can do.

Ulcerative colitis does not define me. It is part of me – but it is not me.