I Hate This

There, I did it. I’m telling you how I really feel right now. No sugar coating. No optimism. No positivity. The truth – this sucks and I hate it.

I’m sitting here on Saturday morning listening to CBC radio. Marc is off at the time trial at the Mississippi Mills stage race. My good friends are on their way to Kingston, riding the Rideau Lakes Cycle Tour.

And here I sit. Missing out. Couldn’t go to the TT because of this damn ulcerative colitis. Couldn’t participate in RLCT this year again because of this damn ulcerative colitis.

It is so hard to remain positive and optimistic.

My new medicine (the hated prednisone) is giving me insomnia – I can’t sleep and the sleep I do get is loudly interrupted by my growling guts. I feel lethargic and wiped out. The antibiotics are making feel gross as well – tastes like I’m sucking on tinfoil all day.

I know, it could be worse. Blah blah blah. I don’t really care about how much worse it could be. It is the summer and I’m trapped by this body that has once again betrayed me.

Angry. Frustrated. Forlorn. Lost. Confused. Sad. This about sums up my emotions right now.

2 thoughts on “I Hate This

  1. I clicked “Like” because I like people who tell the truth. Aside from that, I am sending you a big hug of support and love, despite knowing you’ll probably feel like kicking it to the curb! 😉

    I love you. Hang in there! xoxo

    • Thanks Lise. Sometimes being brutally honest is hard to do and I did have a tinge of regret after clicking Publish. But this is the reality of living with a chronic disease. I don’t want to sound like a whiner and I try really hard to stay positive at all times – but sometimes it is just so damn hard. Thanks for the big hug.

      vicki Vicki



      Read my book: An Unlikely Elite


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