Ever have one of those days or even a couple of days where you just feel the good vibes? Everything seems to be clicking. The legs feel good. The head is clear. The hear is pumping. You feel like some progress is being made. You just really are having a good time out on that two-wheeler.

Well, this is exactly how the last couple of days of training have gone. Yesterday was a great day of riding at the Averbode Abby race course. Then today I went to Sint-Niklaas with Marc and rode for a good 90 minutes on the race course. I loved this course. It was super fast. Frozen hard ground. A fun fly-over. A fast descent. Twists and turns in the woods. A lot of fun. I did have thoughts about racing…

But after standing in the pits for Marc’s race, I was frozen. So no race for me. I think this is probably best anyway. I had great sensations on the bike today and can go to bed feeling confident with my riding today. Again, no massive improvements but I’m sure there were some minor ones. I’m slowly but surely munching away at the elephant.

Had fun after the race hanging out with Luc and catching up with people in the cafe. Great way to relax at a race is with friends. Marc had a great race – he finished 7th. Unfortunately a crash and some mechanicals bumped him out of the top 5, but a good race nonetheless.

Tomorrow I’m racing in Tervuren. I’ve never raced there before but from what I’ve heard it is a pretty fun course in a beautiful setting. Many thanks to Jos for taking me to the race and helping me out tomorrow. Looking forward to Sunday. I’m sure that the good vibes will follow me tomorrow and I’ll have more fun on my two-wheeler!

Ever wondered how you eat an elephant? Have you ever thought about how eating an elephant relates to cyclo-cross racing? Well, guess what? I have been wondering just this.

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.
How do I improve as a cyclo-cross racer? One pedal stroke at a time.
Hmm, kind of the same thought process. Bit by bit, slowly but surely, with steady, measured and small improvements, the bigger improvements will come. Soon enough I’ll have eaten the elephant. The tough part is remembering not to rush this process. An elephant is massive. There is a lot of muscle, flesh, fat, to get through. Lots of lesson learned on the way. I’m sure to overdo it at times and have to take a step back, but this is part of the process.

One pedal stroke at a time.

This was the focus of today’s ride. Marc joined me for some riding at the Averbode Abby race course. With Marc’s help I broke the course down and focused on improving how I was riding through the corners. The focus was on pedaling. Always pedal. Kay Van Den Brand who rides for Scott was out and we watched him ride through various sections. He does slow or brake but then he is quick to apply heavier pedal pressure to get on top of his pedals and back up-to-speed. So this is what I worked on. I could feel myself getting faster and more confident during each “sectioning”. Marc rolled off to do his intervals and I kept on hitting the course.

Definitely a good session on the bike. Small improvements were made. I didn’t eat the elephant but I was able to start in on it.

As for the weekend? Well, Marc is racing in Sint-Niklaas tomorrow. I will be there to pit for him. I’ll be bringing my bikes – I may race with the junior boys. I may simply ride the course and do what I did today. See how I’m feeling and get some advice from Marc and others. On Sunday I’m racing in Tervuren in a women’s UCI race so I want to feel fresh physically and mentally for this race. No matter what happens, it is going to be a great weekend.

Wow – I’m generally not left wordless… But you guys have done just that. I’ve received a number of amazing emails and comments about my last few posts. The support and understanding truly has been overwhelming. It is challenging for me to describe the effect your words have. Just know that they really do mean a lot and I take everything you have to write and say to heart.

So on this fine New Year’s Eve, I just want to say thank-you. Thank-you for the support. Thank-you for the encouragement. Thank-you for the cheering. Thank-you for the photos. Thank-you for the pit work. Thank-you for the drives to races. Thank-you for the advice. Thank-you for the hugs and pats on the back. Thank-you for the tough words. Thank-you for understanding. Thank-you for helping me stick to my goals and dreams. Thank-you for helping make my goals and dreams a reality. Thank-you for being part of Ottawa Cross.

Thank-you.

I was out riding today and this thought popped into my brain “how do I define a great race? how do I even define a good race?”. This lead me to my next question “have I ever really been satisfied with a race?”. Even if I get a “good” result on the score sheet, I always want to do better. So is it possible to truly have a “great or good race”? What do you think? I suppose winning the World Championships would have to be considered having a great race. But we have to keep things in perspective here.

Funny how that word perspective just crept in. It really is so key to this season I’m having. Perspective. Remember where I was. Remember where I’m going. Remember what got me here. Remember that as I improve so does pretty much everyone else I’m racing against. Just like I’m out practicing descending, corners, climbing – so too is everyone else on the start line.

Not a big word really – perspective. But its ramifications and implications run so much deeper and stronger.

I guess I should step up and answer my own questions… Nope – don’t think I’ve had a great race yet. I’ve had a few good races. These were races where I was able to push my body to another level or where the course really didn’t suit me but I was able to buckle down and turn it into a good situation or there were the races where in the end I didn’t have an outstanding result but I stuck my neck out and took some chances and “made” the race. I strongly suspect that I won’t have a great race for a while. Part of always wanting more.

Speaking of wanting more. Just want to let you know that I’m okay. I’ve got my head screwed on properly again. I thought a lot about things last night. I talked with Marc more about things last night. I went out and had a fantastic ride today. Hit my favorite trails. Focused on only one thing – keep pedaling. My brain was clear, my feet ticked over, I think I was smiling, and I pushed my edge here and there. A good ride. The reset button has been pushed. I didn’t crack. I came close, but luckily the experiences of last year came back and reminded me that cracking is really so not worth it. The crack can quickly turn into a crevice which can lead to a canyon… And frankly, I don’t want to go on that trip again.

So I’m okay. Not good. Okay. I’m pushing forward. Moving ahead. Feeling better about things. And you want to know something cool? I’m ranked 42nd in the World! How cool is that? Can’t really feel sorry for myself when I’m ranked 42nd. Very cool.

Fun on bikes was definitely had today. Perfect weather for a ‘cross ride: 8 celsius and raining. Tossed on the trusty Sealskin socks and gloves and the super duper waterproof MEC pants (mine have a hole in them, but they still rock), plugged into the iPod, and hit up the local trails and roads. Me, the bike, and no brain. Just the great outdoors. Doesn’t get much better.

As for racing. Well, I’m racing on Jan. 2 in Sint-Niklaas with the junior boys and then on Jan. 3 in Tervuren in a UCI women’s race. Should be a couple days of good solid racing. I’ve always wanted to race at Sint-Niklaas – the course looks like a lot of fun and besides I’ll be there working the pits for Marc anyway, so I might as well race! I’ve never raced in Tervuren before so I’m looking forward to racing on a new-to-me course.

Plans are coming together for the trip to the Czech Republic for the World Championships. Looks like we will be traveling in style… I’ll tell you when I definitely know the full details!

Alright, I’m out. I’ll leave you with a quote from my friend and sponsor Skip (he said this today during our Skype chat):

“If you don’t try it never happens”

I was so tempted to put another title on this blog post. One that truly expresses how I’m feeling right now. But I’m working really hard right now in seeing the “positives” and the “small successes” – so I’m not going to be a downer from the get go.

Today was not my best day on the bike. And it has nothing to do with feeling sick yesterday. I woke up today feeling pretty good – a few pains but nothing I haven’t trained or raced with before. Today I let my mental game get the better of me. I had a not very good pre-ride – skittish and tense. Which was frustrating since I really like this race course and I’m comfortable with mud (I’m not that fast in the mud – but I’m not afraid of it). It is thanks to Marc and his help that I toed the line today. I started the race with a renewed sense of enthusiasm and some smallish goals.

Things were going okay. Typical slowish start. But I’m good at recovering from this. Then I crashed and ended up twisting my saddle so it was pointing in the complete opposite (horizontal) direction. This cost me a lot of time and positions. I had to run things I normally ride. I had to stand on the side of the course and jam my saddle into a somewhat straight position -though it was still pointing up. I put my head down and tried to catch and pass. But I was so far out of the race it was futile. Rode to the pit – got a clean bike and rode to the car. Not good. (Race Report)

So now where do I go from here? Well, I can wallow in self-pity and self-induced misery. Or I can be realistic and take each race as it comes and with it each small improvement that I’m making. I think the problem is that I don’t see my improvements. Others are seeing them. But I’m not seeing them. I look at the results sheet and I’m still where I was at the beginning of my Belgian season. Hard to convince myself that I’m improving. I think I’m actually taking the easier route – telling myself that I’m not very good – so that I have an “out”.

But, I know deep down this is not the attitude that I want to portray. It is definitely not the attitude and perspective that got me where I am right now. But it is hard to remind myself of that when I’m not satisfied with where I am right now.

It is so darn hard. It is hard to want to be something and to not be there. It is so tempting to roll over and give in. But I’m a bigger person than this. I need to remember that the goal was to race at the World Championships – not to win it! I guess this is what makes me a “type a” person. Never satisfied and too critical of my own self.

So I came really close to cracking again. Really really close. There was not one race or experience that was working its way into my brain to bring on this crack. Nope. I did it all to myself. I initially had too high of expectations. Then I reset and focused on improving on my weaknesses. But as always happens with me, I failed to see the small improvements that I’m making with my weaknesses. So the negative self-talk and the frustration set in.

I’d like to say that right here and right now, I’ve beaten the crack. But lets just say, I’ve applied a thin layer of silicone and I’m not letting anything else nasty in. I’ve got a pair of binoculars and I’m only looking forward and focusing on the improvements and gains I’m going to continue to make.