If you’ve been reading this blog for any length of time you know that I’m not so good at going slow. I need to cram my days full of activities, “to dos” and everything else in between. This gives me a feeling of accomplishment and I thrive on being organized and getting lots of stuff “done”.

Well you know what – I just can’t do this anymore. It took a couple weeks of this frenetic pace that included long days at the office, early morning work-outs, after work skis, errands, and house stuff for me to realize (and finally listen to Marc) that I’m not doing myself or anyone else any favours with this “do it all now” mindset.

Normally I have a power yoga class every Tuesday and Thursday morning. I really enjoy this class and it is nice to get in some yoga before starting the work day. I should be on my way to the class right now. But today I’m not going. I decided to have a leisurely morning – eat my breakfast at home, enjoy a cup of tea and just sit. This is super refreshing.

I realized this morning that I’ve been trying to do too much. I think this came from my attitude of wanting to get the most out of every day – something I wholeheartedly believe in. But as I’ve learned sometimes this means doing nothing – just relaxing, sitting, reading and appreciating being able to make such choices.

I had wanted to go skiing tonight after work but – I’m not going. Marc convinced me that this wasn’t smart – this was after listening to me be a grouch and complaining about I have so much to do. Yes, sometimes it is easy to lose sight of what it means to “get the most out of everyday” – if trying to cram in multiple sports, chores and other commitments makes me grumpy and not that great to be around then really what’s the point?

So today is “slow down Thursday”. A chance to appreciate and recognize that I’m lucky to be able to do so much – but that I don’t have to do it all today.

(I’m super lucky to have super patient Marc to set me straight and to show me when I’m being rather “crazy”.)

Don’t get the wrong idea here – I am most definitely not doing the Canadian Ski Marathon this weekend. No siree – this event is way too challenging for me.

In case you don’t know about the Canadian Ski Marathon, it includes:

• The CSM is a two-day, 160 kilometre ski event that is divided into 5 sections each day, with an average of 16 kms per section.
• There is a wide range of Canadian Ski Marathon categories – making this an event that skiers of all abilities and ages can participate in.
• The Coureur de Bois (and the Junior Coureur de Bois, who must be accompanied by an adult CdB) is the category for skiers who wish to attempt the full distance of 160 kms over the two days. There are three sub-categories: bronze, silver and gold. Participants must achieve the bronze before the silver, and the silver before the gold. The Gold Coureur de Bois is the ultimate performance challenge as it means skiing the full distance with a backpack weighing not less than 5 kilograms, containing all the necessities for an overnight camping adventure, including food, sleeping bag, clothing etc.

This annual skiing event is a big deal – and for good reason.

I’d like to wish the best of luck to the four teenagers I know who are doing the Canadian Ski Marathon this weekend. Huge shout out to Miles, Lois and Sabina who are doing the Gold Junior Courerur de Bois event. Another huge shout out to Gabe who is skiing five sections this weekend.

I know that each of you will do just great. Trust in your training and preparation. Enjoy the time outside on your skis. I’m super stoked for each of you. Looking forward to hearing all about the weekend.

Sometimes it is hard to know how serious to be. I spent many years being serious. Really focusing on my cyclocross racing – I worked part-time, I worked hard to find sponsors, I structured my life around my training and racing, I stopped eating chocolate, and I simply pedaled my bike. I was serious. I had goals. I had expectations. I had self-imposed pressure. I had motivation.

Now, I’m in a new phase. I want to race my bike. I want to race my bike really well. But do I want to be as serious as I was? The question remains, can I achieve what I want with a bit more balance in my life?

I wrote recently about all the things I want to do this year. In short, this was a rather long and slightly unfocused list of stuff. No real tangible goals there. Just stuff that I want to do in 2013. Does not having goals mean I’m not serious?

Do you have to have goals to be serious? I don’t know. I don’t know where the lines of serious, focus, goals, and life balance all intersect.

Right now I’m feeling that without structure, I’m highly unfocused. I’m not being as rigorous as I normally am on my diet (so much Belgian chocolate in this house). I am riding four days a week but not with any structure – I’m just doing what I “think” makes sense right now (riding in a zone 1 wattage for an hour three times a week and for 90 minutes once a week). I’m getting out for 90 minute to two hour skate skis three times a week. Toss in power yoga twice a week and hot yoga once a week and I’m getting some strength building and bendiness in my body. Then there’s the snowshoe running which I’ve only done twice (but I’ll be out this Wednesday).

So, just like my list of stuff that I want to do in 2013, I’m currently doing a lot of stuff. Does this mean I’m focused? Does this mean I’m serious? I don’t know. I do know I’m having fun right now. I’m doing what I want when I want and I’m not tied to a structured training schedule.

But I think it’s time. I crave structure. I like “to do” lists. I like to have a work-out planned and written down on a piece of paper – this means I’ll do it.

But still what is serious? I’m curious to know what you think? I’m kind of worried that if I’m not serious this season I won’t do everything I want. But what if that seriousness takes away some of the fun? Are there levels of serious?

(And yes, I do have some goals. I’m just not ready to write them down yet. I guess this is because I don’t have the structure I “feel” I need to actually achieve these goals…)

Oh yes, my brain is a bit crazy these days. But I think in a good way. I’m in a good place – enjoying riding the trainer, having fun on my skis and snowshoes and enjoying my yoga practice. To top it off, I’m not obsessing about my weight (yes, I did this in the past…) – I’m feeling great about my healthy and strong body and enjoying this feeling.

So what do you think about this whole business of serious? Am I simply being too serious about being serious?

(On another note: huge shout out to Conor O’Brien, Evan McNeely, Wendy Simms, Gabby Day and Helen Wyman – all racing tomorrow in the World Cyclocross Championships in Louisville, Kentucky. I’ll be cheering and yelling at my laptop urging you on. Enjoy it. Soak it all in. Have fun.)

It is a big week for so many cyclo-cross racers. In fact for many this is the week they’ve been thinking about, dreaming about and training for – for quite some time. That’s right it is World Cyclocross Championships week. Yes week – the action kicks off on Tuesday Jan. 29 with the Masters World Cyclocross Championships and wraps up with the final races on Friday Feb. 1. Then the Elite World Cyclocross Championships start on Saturday Feb. 2 with the juniors and U23 categories and the elite women and men racing on Sunday Feb. 2.

A week when emotions will be at an all-time high. It is one of those times when you’re so excited to race but also a little bit freaked out about it all. After all this is the race you’ve been thinking about all season. To just be racing at World Cyclocross Championships is a thrill and then when you start thinking about a possible result or outcome – well things can get a little bit crazy.

It has been a while since I’ve raced at such a high-level of competition but I do know what it’s like to deal with the stress, anxiety, fear, self-doubt and overall “circus like” atmosphere of a World Cyclocross Championship…

In my opinion the best thing you can do is to do your “thing”. If you like to eat steak the night before the race do it – even if someone else is telling you to eat bowls of pasta. If you like to put embro on your feet do it – even if someone else thinks you’re crazy. If you like to run your tires at 18 PSI go for it – don’t change just because your buddy runs his tires at 23 PSI. If you have a warm-up that you’ve been using all season, stick with it – don’t make changes the week of, day before or day of.

Quite simply – stick with what got you to Louisville. Trust your instincts. And most of all soak it all up and enjoy every moment. There are no “shouldas”, “couldas” or “wouldas” – just go out and race.

You may never ever get this chance again so make the most of it. Have fun and remember that there are lots of people who wish they could be doing what you’re doing right now. However the race ends up, be proud of it – you trained hard, raced hard, made sacrifices – and you got to be out there having fun on your bike.

(Yes, I’m a little bit jealous of all you folks who are racing this week and weekend. I’ll be cheering for you.)

Something has happened to me that hasn’t happened before… I seem to have lost my motivation. I don’t know how this happened or how to get it back. I guess I need some goals. Something to aim for. So this is what I’ll work on this week.

I have lots of stuff I want to do:

• Rideau Lakes Cycle Tour
• Weekly Tuesday night trail runs with the XCZone gang
• A couple of long mountain bike enduro rides/races
• A road race or two
• Lots of long rides to Merrickville and other interesting little towns
• Spend lots of time on my new Opus Fhast 29er
• Race a solid cyclocross season – Eastern Ontario Series and some races New England
• Maybe the odd trail race

So yes, there is lots on that list. Some concrete and some not-so-concrete.

I guess I need to figure out how I’m going to do all this and to do it all well. I know I don’t want to suffer through two days of Rideau Lakes – so I need to get fit and strong for this. I know that two have fun running around in the Gatineau Park on Tuesday nights I need to do more running. I know that to endure four or six hour mountain bike rides/races I need to spend lots of time riding my 29er and honing my technical skills. I know that to race a solid cyclocross season I need to ride my ‘cross bike and work on the basic techniques and develop some sprinting/acceleration fitness.

All this means I need to get a training plan sorted. I know it is only mid-January but I don’t have a big base fitness cushion to rely on – last season was a bust thanks to that darn sickness. But this is behind me now and I’m ready to get back to where I was.

Hey – I think I just find my motivation again! Amazing what some thinking, planning and typing can do. Last season was a bummer but this season is going to be a good one. I’ll be out riding, running and smiling. Time to prove to myself that I’m a healthy person again – take that ulcerative colitis.